Wednesday, January 16, 2013

hiding it in my heart and then spilling the beans

so back to the story...

after getting off the phone with Megan, Curtis had to leave for work.
Megan assured him that nothing would happen today, so he might as well go in.

Then Micah started to stir - at 9am - what a gift to have the phone call be uninterrupted. it was such a special moment that we got to share together without distractions.

Before Curtis left for work we decided that we wouldn't tell anyone that day. In reality, there was way too many variables up in the air until Saturday, and the more people we told, the more we'd have to re-tell if something went wrong. if the adoption didn't happen. if she backed out last minute. we knew we wouldn't be able to keep it a secret until Saturday, but for the time being we got to hide our little secret in our hearts for a little while.

however, we did each call a confidant in the hours before curtis got home from work that day - we were both bursting at the seems and needed an outlet since we weren't together to process.

i didn't eat all day. every time i tried to take a bite of food i'd feel nauseous and sick. jittery, anxious, excited. every possible emotion wrapped up into a tight ball of live wire nerves.

Then i had this thought - If we are literally getting a baby three days before christmas i better get my sh** together and get my last few gifts bought and wrapped before my life changes forever.

so, after getting micah ready for the day we ran to the mall. All i could think as we raced through the mall is that it looks like we were just shopping but no one knows that our lives held a secret. there was a baby waiting for us. a little four day old baby that we hadn't even met yet. it was the craziest feeling.
i only have two days before my life changes.

I knew my sister was working that day, so i did my best to avoid her there, knowing that if i went to say hi like i always do, i would start crying and spill the beans. so i avoided Saks and got my last two gifts and left as quick as we came.

The rest of the day was a blur. Micah eventually went down for a nap and i had a few hours of silence just to sit and think. about how i had just finished my job, and how we almost had all the money we needed and how her name is beautiful and how crazy this is that after all this time of reading other people's adoption stories, it was our turn. that some lady actually chose us to parent her child. the thought still gives me chills.

that evening after curtis got home we decided to call each of our sets of parents. Curtis' first and then mine. then we told our siblings. Reactions were all not-suprisingly different, but all were happy in their own respective ways.

When we called Curtis' parents, we told them her name and his mom said, "did you know that was my grandmother's first name?"

Neither of us did. It was just one more confirmation that this was going to be our girl.

When we called my parents my dad answered and told us my mom was sick in bed with a migraine. I said, "But can you just bring the phone up there, we just need to talk to both of you for just a minute."

"No, Jess, she's sick. I don't want to bother her."

"Dad, can you just do it, it'll only take a minute, i'm serious."

"Why? do you have some news for us?"

"Yes dad! Now go up there!" (sheesh!)

So he went up there and woke up my mom and over skype we told them that we got a call for a little baby girl! a healthy, amazing four day old baby girl.

my mom was groggily happy, understandably so, due to migraine medicine. my dad got choked up.

the rest of the night was a blur, except for the fact that at one point, they sent us the first photo we ever saw of our girl...


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