Thursday, January 24, 2013

coming to grips with pink

Luckily since our families already knew about her by then i commissioned my mom to head out shopping with me. After all, i needed newborn diapers and a few other baby items.

Before we went though, i dug through all of Micah's newborn clothes. I pulled out all the green and white and yellow little onesies and hats, socks. I'm not a real girly girl but i knew that i'd need at least one girly outfit to take her home. As much as i like hand-me-downs, i knew this little lady needed at least one special outfit of her own before family no doubt showered her with gifts on christmas.

So i brought my mom to target and i remember just standing in the little newborn girl section. it was all I think i was still in shock. the color of pepto bismol pink kind of made me nauseous, pastel - even worse. so we walked around and i tried to talk myself into all the little itty bitty frilly girlie things.

Curtis had told me to get the necessities and gave me permission to buy her one outfit. She was only going to be six days old when we picked her up after all. she didn't need much. But what was i going to buy her in a sea of pink?

I ended up buying her a sweet black and white floral top with coordinating striped leggings trimmed with hot pink. it was so me - not overly sweet, but actually kind of cute and funky. mixed prints. i was sold. I told my mom after we spotted a few other sweet things that she ended up buying her  - oh man, this is going to be hard, they do have a lot of cute stuff for girls. i slowly found myself coming to grips with all the pink.

so we left, with diapers and outfits and little infant socks rimmed with pink and purple.

we then headed back to my mom's house for nap time. i didn't think i could sit through another nap time in silence alone while micah slept, so i put him to sleep at her place so i could have some company.

However, after not sleeping for two nights, i ended up falling asleep in their living room chair while watching tv.

when micah woke up we headed home for dinner and to spend an evening setting up for baby.

we hooked up the infant car seat in the back seat of my car, we set up the bassinet and the bouncy chair, we found the swing in the garage. This was actually happening. While most people have nine months to prepare, we had 48 hours. it was the craziest feeling i think i've ever had.

Then at 8pm, i realized i forgot to buy formula, so out the three of us headed, back to target to stock up before it was too late.

by the time bedtime rolled around, we were both exhausted and so antsy for Saturday to come. How do you prepare to meet the woman that gave birth to your child. What do you say to the woman who was selflessly choosing you to love and raise her baby?

You don't, i guess. Going to bed (of which i didn't sleep a wink again) my prayer was that we would really be in the moment for that hour with her the next day. that my shyness or introvertedness wouldn't get in the way of telling her all the things i wanted her to know. That we'd be able to enjoy her company and really listen to her. to ask the right questions and have the right answers. To remember every part of her, just in case we wouldn't see each other again. so we could one day tell Nyla every single part of that visit.

So that night, I went to bed with an excited, but also a heavy heart knowing that tomorrow was going to be a day i'd always remember...


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