Wednesday, January 30, 2013

and we finally meet the woman who made us parents again

there is a fragile line i walk in writing about our meeting.
as much as it is my story - our story - it is, before even mine - Nyla's story.
so carefully, i proceed...

we got to meet and sit and talk to the woman that carried our daughter.
the woman that made possibly the most selfless decision there ever was to make.
she decided that for the good of her and her other children that she would entrust us to care and raise Nyla to be ours.

words cannot express the weight of this meeting. the honesty and sincerity and vulnerability was so thick in that little corner booth.

before we got to talking we went up to the counter and ordered some breakfast, even though, i don't think any of us were in any mood to eat or drink.
coffee for me and her social worker. coffee and a cinnamon roll for Curtis. a chai latte and a egg sandwich for her. i have kept that receipt for her baby book. tangible evidence that she was real, she likes chai just as i do, that we ate and talked. the time and price were noted and i never want to forget.

after we fixed our beverages of choice we sat down after some chit chat while we waited for our food and drinks and got down to it.

it was beautiful. one of the most treasured hours of my life. we shared pictures of our kids. she told us about hers and we told her all about micah.

the truth that lies beneath any judgment anyone may ever make about a woman who places a child up for adoption is this - we are all more similar that we often want to believe. in the end she is just a mom doing the best she can. i can relate to that. she is a beautiful woman. a woman i could easily have been friends with - and who knows - maybe we still can be one day.

before we left, curtis asked if she minded if we all took a picture together. she shyly smiled and obliged with a joke about how she hates pictures of herself. i agreed and we laughed together.

since then we have placed those photos in our safety deposit box at the bank - saved for Nyla and noone else.

she also let her social worker take a little video of her chatting with us - just for a minute. it was curtis' idea - to have a little snippet of video to save, where Nyla could one day see her birth mom in real life, to hear her voice, see her body language and her smile.

that also went into our safety deposit box. wiped off our computer and our phones. although before we did i must've watched it 30 times. i memorized her smirk, her cheekbones, her jacket. she's important to me and i didn't want to forget.

the truth of the matter is whether we ever have a fully whole relationship with her or not, we are all intertwined. our families are now connected in a way that few ever get to be. this little baby has given our two families an unspeakable bond that we treasure, no matter how our relationship evolves.

before we left we all got up from the table and we hugged. she was calm and sure, not a smidge of regret in her smile or hug. we thanked her although those words seemed to fall short, even after an hour of words shared, thank you seemed silly to say, but we said it anyway.

we then put on our coats and walked out the door, leaving them at that corner table to sign her paperwork.

we walked hand in hand to our car, with the empty infant car seat in the back seat, two and a half hours away from having a baby to buckle up into it...


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