Wednesday, April 4, 2012

adoption update: baby fever

adoption paperwork & other odds and ends in the afternoon light

Maybe it's because a good friend is in labor today and I'm anticipating holding her fresh newbie son Sammy sometime soon after he is born - either tonight or tomorrow, but the last week or so has found me struck with baby fever.

Now, this isn't to say I didn't want another baby when we started the adoption process, i did, but I didn't have that little familiar ache in my heart to start over with another infant then. but now, well, i can't wait.

But now, nearing the completion of all our adoption paperwork (with just our fire inspection & our two home study visits left to do) it's crazy that the baby itch is just now starting to want to be scratched.

We may be just months from calling another one 'ours', or maybe less, Curtis thinks by June, but only God knows. It's just funny that I'm just now feeling truly giddy to embark on mommying two under two. 

It's daunting really, Micah's barely one and not walking yet. And this time i know what to expect. I know about the sleepless nights and the exhaustion that isn't remedied with a strong cup of coffee. The sobs and the around-the-clock consoling. 

My girlfriend's world is about to turn upside-down crazy as she stumbles into motherhood after her final contraction and push in the next few hours. But me, this time i know what i'm in for to some extent (as many of my mom friends of more than one can attest - I probably have no clue) - but maybe more of a clue than my firs time friend, and that kind of petrifies me.

A three day old infant with become my son or daughter and we will be greeted at the door that first time home by a little barely toddling toddler that has no clue what's coming. i'm thrilled and terrified. two emotions that straddle a fine line.

And it's not that I wasn't excited to add baby #2 when we started this process last october. i was in a far away idealistic sort of way. 

one day when we get that call to come pick up our baby, it will be so awesome...

and it will, i trust it will be one of the most amazing moments in our lives, but up until lately, i hadn't thought much past background checks and insurance letters and stacks and stacks of mind-numbing paperwork. 

Maybe not until i sat down to write our birth mom letter. a letter that will be read by potential birth mom's of our next child, part of the profile they will read to get to know us. and my heart broke. 

She is out there. She may even be pregnant right now. She is real. WIth a real story, real hurt and a very real decision to make. This story is more than the story of us getting a call to pick up our child at the hospital days after he/she is born. He has a past, she has a history that i wasn't a part of. He will be loved and thought about and fretted over by more than just Curtis and I.

Wow, how did i get so off topic?

All this to say that I'm feeling more and more ready. more excited and hopeful that he/she will come into our lives at just the right time. not a moment too soon or too late. Maybe before his room has drywall or before we have her crib. Maybe before Micah starts walking or talking more than just a handful of cute words, and that will be okay too. 

Just like my girlfriend can't wait to put a face to the name they've had picked out for months, I literally cannot wait until i see the face of my second child. To see just who exactly God's picked out to join our family through the awesome gift of adoption.


CitricSugar said...

What a beautiful post, Jess.

I'm keeping you in my prayers and hope that your child makes his or her way into your hands soon.

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