Saturday, December 31, 2011

the difference a year makes


it's funny how a year can change everything, and nothing

last year, we went out for sushi & thai food with good friends on new year's eve
then, big and pregnant, we went back to their house to watch Shrek with their three little girls
i was exhausted, so we left well before midnight, before the movie was over 
even the littlest one stayed up later than i could that night

this year, our plans are the same
the same restaurant, the same little girls, only each a year older
a different movie at their house for a different year
and we will probably pack up and go before midnight again no doubt
the only difference will be the little guy we'll tuck to sleep at their house
cozy in his pack and play and footie pj's
the one we'll wake up when we're ready to go, all bed-headed and groggy
smiling sleepily as we pull on his puffy green coat
as we get ready to enter a new year with a not-so-new little boy

it's funny how a year can change everything, and nothing


may your new year be happy, hopeful & bright!
the three of us

Sunday, December 25, 2011

my christmas wish for you...


wishing you...

peace in the midst of worry

I’m leaving you welland whole. That’s my parting gift to you. Peace. 
-John 14:27 

joy in the midst of sadness

hope in the midst of doubt

rest in the midst of weariness

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
-Matthew 11:28

faith in the midst of fear

Since God did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t God, who gave us Christ, also give us everything else? 
-Romans 8:32

and every other good gift that only God can give.

Friday, December 23, 2011

this time last year


On this day last year we were driving to Chicago for Christmas
I was hugely pregnant
And we must've made at least four potty stops on that 6 hour drive to his parents' house

I remember walking around for hours downtown in the snow and freezing cold with my big black puffer jacket wide open because my belly was too big to zip it up

I kept thinking how weird it would be next Christmas to have an almost one year old to celebrate with

Last Christmas my mind couldn't even fathom exactly what was growing inside me, or how it would make its way out, much less able to imagine what would transpire throughout an entire year

Now we're here. On the other side of birth, already planning for a sibling and watching that little baby grow into such a little boy.

It's crazy how quickly a year can feel.
Gone in a blink but slow as seconds ticking too.

It's a year that I will hide in my heart, like Mary, for all of my life. It was a wonderfully fast, yet exhaustingly slow year...and it's not even over yet.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

adjectives & adverbs about my boy

where's waldo?

Sweater pill-picker
Hot sauce-licker
Graham cracker-muncher
Sippy cup-slurper
Wide eyed-watcher
Finger holding-walker

Sunday, December 4, 2011

these are the days

Sometimes life's best when schedules fly out the window and you just roll with the day

Sans naps, a hood instead of a proper hat to shield the rain

With enough time to hold hands and push strollers on wet pavement

These are the days when car naps, reheated pizza for dinner and early bedtimes are savored like a decaf coffee in the late afternoon

These are the moments I'll miss oneday

Nursing in a baby gap nursing room filled with headless child-sized mannequins with one lone arm chair

we have company at the baby gap nursing room

Stopping at the bookstore for coffee and staying over an hour, holed up in the kids section playing with toy trains, him standing, fascinated by the table of wooden tracks,

For the little boy who said, "babies don't know how to play," and how he blushed with pride when I responded, "well, if you show him how, he can watch you and learn."

We set out to buy gifts but came home empty-handed but with bellies full of love for days like this

where's waldo?

that end with a little boy in a pile of toys

and in bed, asleep, before the clock hit eight.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

still thankful, even after thanksgiving...oh, the nerve


every year, i hate the way that christmas is pushed further and further up the calendar.
before thanksgiving
before even halloween in some places.
i hate that autumn is rushed for the long winter that comes after.

i was not feeling the christmas spirit last week.
the switch in my brain on thanksgiving night didn't switch and i wasn't ready
didn't want to decorate for christmas, get a tree, go on the hunt for presents.
i just felt blah about it all.

but we did it anyways.

last friday, before the thanksgiving leftovers were even eaten
we went with Curtis' family to the tree farm about an hour and a half south of here
we took a slay/hay ride (in 60 degree weather mind you), browsed their shop of holiday cheer,
had a nice lunch, and we even stopped at lowe's on the way home to pick out our tree
(we decided a few years ago that the hassle of tree cutting is overrated, and expensive),

we even decorated our little home that night, complete with christmas music, but it was just business for me - pull out the boxes, unwrap the ornaments, hang the kissing ball and practice with my boys.

let's get it done, i kept thinking, so when i do feel some holiday cheer kicking in, it will already be up and ready for my enjoyment.

but then Curtis grabbed Micah and held him up by the top of the tree - just like the photo i have of my dad and me on my first christmas, with my first christmas tree - and that did it.


just like that, i saw the holidays through the eyes of my son.
who last year was still kicking away in my belly
who can now crawl up to the tree if he wanted.

he may have no memories of his first christmas, but we'll have photos of him
hovering over his first tree, in footie pj's before the lights were strung and the tree skirt laid around the base of the stump.

and although i'm slowly letting the holiday spirit sink in with all of its gift giving and tree decorating,
i'm still trying hard to keep the little spaces of our home sacred.

and it's not easy.

so i guess i don't mind that i haven't fully gotten into the swing of holiday things quite yet. maybe i'd be wise to guard myself from some of the voices that tend to speak a little too loud into my ears this time of year anyways.

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