Thursday, November 24, 2011


"However God has dealt with us, 
He has dealt with us better than we deserve; 
and all in love, and for our good."

-Matthew Henry we give thanks.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

9 months in, 9 months out


yesterday morning he woke up laughing. it was seriously the sweetest sound.
i didn't even want to go in and get him up, but just stand outside his door eavesdropping.

people ask me all the time if he's always such a good baby and i almost feel guilty saying yes.
we seriously couldn't have asked for a more laid back, sweet-tempered, content little guy.

it blows my mind that he has now been a part of our little world outside of me for as long as he was inside.

i thought i knew the extent of my love for him when i felt him kick inside, then i gave birth and that love multiplied by a billion - and now, with every month that passes i love him more.

last night when curtis walked in the back door micah saw him and let out the loudest, happiest squeal. i think we both melted right then and there. then curtis said, 'i've always wanted to walk in the door after work and have him waiting there, excited to see me.' i wish i had his reaction on video - it was a memory i'll never forget, and one that will be repeated over and over.

then, over dinner he said, 'i can't remember what it was like before him.'
and really, neither of us can. in 9 short months he has become so much a part of our family that it's hard to recall what life was like pre-micah. we both agreed we wasted a lot of time.

life is just so rich. and he keeps getting more and more fun. he cracks me up with his funny faces, his excited squeals, how he just started finding it funny to stick his tongue out at you. how extremely ticklish and giggly he gets at the oddest moments. how he sucks his thumb, but only when he's tired, how he loves cherrios and even at the sight of the big yellow box, his feet start kicking almost uncontrollable.

still no teeth, but he's got a pretty fast army crawl to remind us that he's approaching toddlerhood at a rapid rate. he loves wheels and balls and cars. any food that we offer he happily scarfs. he goes to sleep without a fuss and still nurses like a champ.

while it's crazy/exciting to think that in a few short months we will wean and it will be the last time i nurse for a while, i'll be honest, i will miss that bond that we share right now. the way he looks at me and plays with my hair at he eats.

when i was still weeks away from having him, a friend reminded me - 'you will never have this time again, so enjoy it, just the two of you.' and right now i feel similarly about our time now.

one day soon (or not-so-soon) our family of three will become a family of four. the timing is indefinite but the reality is there - so i'm making a conscious effort to enjoy this time, just me and my two boys, without rushing into the future too far.

we are in a good, happy place and while i know the next place will be a good one for us too, i am acutely aware that we will never have this time again, and i'm okay with that (thrilled, even) but not anxious to get there too fast.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

why i hate to bake...


i don't bake.

well, that's not really true. i do bake, but i don't like to.
the main reason why - i hate measuring things. i hate searching my cupboards and the back of my fridge for sugar and flour and vanilla. i hate remembering the difference between baking powder and baking soda, i hate letting butter get to room temperature...

i'd much rather make dinner - like today...

this morning during Micah's nap i decided to make green chicken chili for dinner.
so i got out the crock pot, plopped two large chicken breasts in the bottom,
dumped in a can of corn, a can of white beans, chopped an onion, emptied a small can of jalepenos and a jar of salsa verde and i was pretty much done.

no measuring, no timers, no little spoons and cups to clean up.

but something got me today and by the afternoon i was scouring {pinterest} for either an apple-y or a pumpkin-y sweet treat.

well, i couldn't decide, so while Micah played happily at my feet i took the opportunity, while spoons and bowls where already dirty and while all the ingredients were already out - to whip up these {chocolate chip pumpkin bars} and this {apple cake with brown sugar glaze}

i don't even like cake, but i've got at least 10 pounds of apples left to use and it looked like a treat my hubby would love, so i made it...and let me just tell you - as the glaze was cooling and seeping into every crack and crevice, i snuck a piece - and whoa - more like a breakfast-y sweet bread, it was divine.

i may or may not have brought the little plate up to my room with an afternoon cup of coffee to savor on my bed while Micah slept. There's nothing like pretending your eating breakfast in bed at 3pm. it was a great way to spend 5 minutes during naptime.

so, while i'll never chose baking over cooking, today might have changed all that.

now pardon me as i tiptoe downstairs to maybe try a pumpkin bar next.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

the "a" word: how adoption has entered our vernacular once again

"He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children. Praise the Lord."
-Psalm 113:9

"I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you."
-John 14: 18

If you've read my blog for any amount of time, you probably know our story.
if not, here it is in a nutshell:

we couldn't get pregnant - we tried for almost two years.
we started the process to adopt,
we got pregnant a month later, 
and had a son 
and to some, it would seem, that was that.

we now knew we could, in fact, conceive, and to many, it would seem like a no-brainer.
you want more kids? have another. You want a third, just get pregnant again.
it's easier than adopting, it's me, we've heard it all.

but from the moment we learned we were pregnant, or even before that, we knew (and hoped) that adoption would still be part of the way God would grow our family.
so quickly had it become a part of us, this longing to give those who have no families, a family.
the abandoned a home. 
the orphan, a father, a mother.

We have gotten many different responses to the news that we will not be trying to get pregnant with our next child. two such responses stick out in my mind more than some of the others...

Are you going to have any more of your own?

although we know what is meant by this comment - will you ever literally conceive and give birth to another baby again now that you know that it's possible - it still stings a bit.
our next child isn't even born yet, may not even have been conceived yet, but we know without a shadow of a doubt that wherever he or she is conceived, whether it be a hotel room, a prison, a bedroom in the projects,
wherever he's born -
whoever the woman is that also considers this child her own
this child will be our own as much as Micah is.
will the love be different? maybe. but will there be love? certainly.
will it be hard? maybe. worth it? absolutely.

the other comment we've more recently gotten is:

but if you don't adopt this baby, won't someone else just come along and adopt them?

and the answer is probably yes.
if we choose not to adopt this infant, there's a relatively good chance that someone else will adopt him or her.
however, that is not the case for all children. and there are no guarantees.

then i got to thinking - isn't that the case with most things?
if you don't do it, someone else probably will, right?
and for a moment it seems that idea makes our action a little less urgent, less necessary even.

but as i was thinking, debating what my responses should or shouldn't have been
i was struck with the thought...

but why not us?

we get to be a part of this amazing process.
and so what if we know that if we don't adopt this precious little life into our family, then someone else will.

we have the chance to be that family. 

the opportunity. the privilege. it's overwhelming, but humbling and amazing all at once.

a close friend asked us recently why we want to adopt. partially playing devil's advocate, because they already knew our hearts as we have shared with them before. they are friends that in the course of three years (give or take), have had two biological children and have adopted two of their cousins, so they know the ups and downs of adoption first hand. so they asked us, what's the motivation to adopt for you guys?

our answer is three-fold, i think:

we feel called by God to do so - akin (we're assuming) to the call to become an overseas missionary. you feel the tug (the call, so to speak, and you follow - no matter how nerve-wracking, intimidating, bigger than you) you follow because you know that's the path you are to walk.

to paraphrase my dear friend {Kate} who has a biological daughter, a son who was adopted from Ethiopia and is now just waiting for the county's call that they have a child for them to foster/adopt: we want to be parents to more children, there are children out there who have no parents, so we adopt.

we believe that we have a great responsibility/privilege to point our children to the truth that because of Jesus' saving work on the cross, we all have the chance to not only be children in families, but also children of God! and the gift of adoption gives us the opportunity to share the good news of the gospel with a child that may never have gotten the chance to hear that message.

but, how do you know that if you don't share that with them, that some other family won't either?

and the truth is, we don't. maybe another family would...but again, why not us?

for the last month or so, our church has been studying the book of Exodus. 
Last Sunday as our pastor taught on Moses and the plagues in Egypt, 
he kept returning to his point that God's plan in saving Moses was bigger than just his salvation.
God used him to free the entire Israelite nation.
and further than that - to show all of Egypt that the Lord was the one true God.

Similarly, God's plan in saving me is bigger than just my salvation.

and we think that adoption is just a small part of that bigger story.

For a long time i felt like that barren woman in the verse above. i trusted that somehow, someway God would give us a family, but sometimes deep down, i doubted. don't we all?

There are times (many times) that i still doubt. where will we get the money? (adoption is expensive) how am i going to manage having two kids under two years old? (most likely)

but then we look back and see God's hand on our past -
a past where He withheld pregnancy,
where He offered adoption, not as second choice, but a just-as-good option.
and it was He who caused life to form inside when the possibility was a long shot.

with that in mind, and the future doesn't seem so daunting.

Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote:

"All I have seen teaches me to trust the creator for all I have not seen."

So we move forward with that in mind.

We cannot wait to share with you as this journey unfolds...and we hope you'll continue to follow along down this new (to us) path.

Also, follow our progress along under the ::our adoption timeline:: tab at the top of my blog.
I know i was also curious about how long the adoption process took for other adoptive families when we were first researching adoption, what all was involved,, it's a great way for us to look back and remember how far we've come as we try not to get overwhelmed by what all is left to do.

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