Wednesday, October 19, 2011

on fear & forgetfulness


coffee jitters my fears awake this morning
the ones i put to bed last night with prayer

caffeine-laced doubts
but who am i kidding?
even sans the starbucks via that i'm sipping
when the coffee beans run out
i am still a doubting thomas
a peter sinking as he makes his way to Jesus walking on the water
i am afraid

so i read
instead of giving reign to my thoughts that lead to no-good places:

"And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to your life?

...Therefore, do not be anxious [...] for the ungodly seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be added to you. 

Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow has enough cares of its own."

i have read it every morning for the last three days
Matthew 6: 25-34

i try to let it steep, soak in but i so easily forget like the Israelites
who'd rather return to Egypt's slavery than see the salvation of the Lord in the midst of the wilderness.

how quickly they forget
and how quickly i do too
we are a forgetful people

This morning on her {blog}, Ann Voskamp wrote:

"I was, and am still, his most fearful child."

and i am too.
fearful of the unknown, the what if's, the lack of

Yet, as Moses exorts Israel before crossing the Red Sea:

"Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the Lord, which He will work for you today...
The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be still."

(exodus 14: 13-14)

and once they had crossed (on dry ground no less!) he sings:

"You have led in your steadfast love the people whom you have redeemed;
you have guided them by your strength to your holy abode."

(exodus 15:13)

Ann closes her post with these words:

"I stand in a kitchen with a list in hand.
A calendar on the wall.
Tasks pressing on the mind.
I take a deep breath, loosen the shoulders, stay fluid.
Let go and lean.
Lean back into Him.

There is this way of living: abandon all worries and abide in Christ — all is well. The relief’s in the release of everything into the hands of the God. Isn’t it all safer in His hands anyways? Abandon and abide — all is well.

Life’s an adventure when we move as He moves.
Standing in the kitchen I breathe deep and let it all ebb away into a smile.
Fluid and fully surrendered to Christ, I think I can feel it even here. The wild wind in the hair…."

so today, i choose not only to be still, but to trust that in the stillness He is still moving.
in my doubt, fear and forgetfulness, he remains unchanging and completely faithful.

and as Ann is known for ending, i write as she does:

All is grace.


Kate said...

...Life’s an adventure when we move as He moves...

not calm, boring, or easy.

but SO good, even on the most fear filled of days!

praying that you'll sit back and enjoy the ride! (also preaching to myself in saying that!)

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