Thursday, August 4, 2011

i can't get enough of this kid


a few days ago Curtis asked me when i'm really going to start writing again.
it caught me off guard.

'what do you mean?' i asked

'you know, like really writing - not just posting pictures and little stories about Micah.'

'i can't help it,' i responded. 'this is my life now and i'm obsessed with this kid.'

so, i hope you don't mind that Micah, and all things motherhood have kind of taken over my blog recently.

i knew it would happen.

i used to write about infertility and waiting and hoping for the moment i would become a mother. dreaming of how it would happen. where we'd have to travel to meet our baby. what it would be like - this mother love - a feeling that was then still so foreign to me, but i knew would come.

my writing was painful and poetic and drenched in longing.

maybe that's what he's missing. the long thought-out scribblings of a girl on the verge of another world.

i wasn't unhappy, not even discontent, but the waiting was hard. waiting for the next phase with a breath held so long.

but that's not me anymore.

he came and he changed everything.

i feel more at peace and more 'myself' than i ever have.

yesterday as i was feeding Micah some rice cereal at my mom's she gave me a hefty compliment.

'you just floated into motherhood so easily, jess.' she said.

whoa. what do you say to that but laugh it off and remember all the tears in that first week

so i shrugged her off and kept on giving him spoonfuls of that white creamy mush.

i've been waiting for these days of feedings and diapers and walks with a stroller for so long that you'll have to excuse me when i litter this little space with proud pictures of my boy and all the marvelously mundane happenings in our day. it's not much, really, but then again, it is. it's so much. everything really.

the dna of my life has changed. he truly has changed everything.

and i'm rather fond of him and this new life, so you'll have to bare with me as i share just a bit of what's filling my often monotonous, but awfully amazing days.


CitricSugar said...

It's your blog. Write and post what you want. Plus, he's stink in' adorable and I know how much I obsess over my nephew...

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