Monday, February 14, 2011

to the very first man in my heart







There are a million reasons I could tell you that I love you
And maybe I should have taken the time to write them out
One by one
In list form because you know how much lists delight me
But tonight
I just wanted to tell you that today
What I love most about you will be something that I will not always be able to appreciate as I do today

Today I love that I can watch you prepare for fatherhood
In those deliriously happy moments
That you talk to my tummy
To this little human being
That we seem to know so intimately
Yet will soon come to realize we had no clue about before he came
And I can watch you as video tape me washing baby clothes
Or sitting in our new rocking chair or making dinner

I can see you looking at me in amazement
Of this tiny boy that has invaded my body
And still you call me beautiful
Despite swollen feet to go with my swelling emotions
The closer we get to meeting him

How you held my hand as we walked through the maternity ward
Imagining how those rooms could be ours in just days or weeks
And how you kissed my nose when I told you
the look of three infant boys in the nursery was enough to almost bring me to tears
and how you say I’m sorry when I’m the one to overreact
because you know it’s just hormones and lack of sleep talking and
how you drank two glasses of water before your morning cup of coffee this morning
because you want to be healthy for your little growing family.

There will never again be a time when I will see you
In this state of suspended fatherhood
Where you are the father of my child without ever holding him
Where I’m the mother of your son without knowing if he looks more like you are me
-I hope you-

Because there will never be this time again
Where it is just the two of us
And our hearts,
While we already inexplicably love him,
have yet to rip wide open for this little boy we’ve yet to truly meet
And whether it’s for 3 more weeks
3 days or a mere 3 hours longer
You are my one true Valentine

You are the one who made it possible for my heart to beat for two
To love two men at once

I consider myself the luckiest lady that has ever lived.

Happy Valentine’s Day to the very first man in my heart.


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