Sunday, February 20, 2011

broken wide open

we were supposed to be discharged from the hospital 26 minutes ago
but this morning they told us that Micah is a bit jaundiced so we're here one more night.
everything within me knows how common this is.
the blue lights, the little eye mask, the naked baby laying in the middle of it all
but when they're your own
it's enough to break you wide open.

the nurse was sweet, she explained everything and stayed to chat.
but as she played him in the bili-bassinet and
wrapped his little head in the eye mask i couldn't help it
tears stung my eyes and i couldn't hold them back.
he was just so little in there
so helpless with eyes covered
right after his circumcision in only a diaper

Curtis saw me turn my head and cry
then our sweet nurse came in and got me kleenex
and curtis reassured me that he'll be fine
which i knew
but with minimal sleep and the crazy hormone situation going on within my body
i couldn't help it.

now i've taken the shower  i thought i'd get to take at home
Micah is sleeping under the lights and i am counting down the minutes until his next feeding
when i can hug that tiny little naked body and satisfy his need for skin on skin.

i was never a crier, but he has broken me wide open
and i'm so glad he did
he couldn't have come a minute too soon.


Kate said...

and the breaking has only just begun. love ya, jess.

Tara aka Micah's Auntie said...

I heard someone once say that "having kids is like having your heart walk around outside of your body".... it really is a whole new kind of love, and stronger than anything you've ever known. And, Kate is so right, it only gets stronger and it gets harder and harder to protect them... but you find a way!!

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