Wednesday, January 5, 2011

we can, so we do


The sky was cold but blue yesterday
The sun made shadows of our building on the one across the street
Like a sandcastle sketched against a sandstone wall
There was no frost on our windows
The office was hot
Almost beach-like
Skipping socks and boots for heels
My feet were hot
So were my fingers as I typed

Monday night I was so uncomfortable
Feeling heavy and unsteady on my feet
I made dinner
Defrosted enchiladas from a previous cooking night
Made rice and beans

My heavy legs barely held me up under the hot water of the shower
Until my skin turned pink, nearly purple with the heat
The baby was not his usual still as I bathed
He kicked and rolled his big movements
Cramped in a space getting tighter by the day
No doubt as warm as I was
I was aware of his presence within me
As I washed my stretched belly twice
Once for me and once for him

Before the oven timer went off
I stood in front of the bathroom mirror
Once again in shock of my changing frame
Almost as if I was staring at someone else
Splotched red, a towel no longer wraps around me and covers my bare reflection

I am self aware but not as self-conscious as I once was
Whatever shape my body takes post birth will be my badge of honor
Although I hope to be one that tightens up moreso than before once that time comes
Time will only tell

So I laboriously dried off and scurried slippered feet back down to the kitchen
Finished dinner and we ate over talk of the day

We hadn't done that in a while
We are rusty at dinner talk
it came with familiar silences and bursts of chatter as it hit us
quite dinners just the two of us will be fewer and further between come march

We have been told to take advantage of these days
As just the two of us
And we have
We are

We’ve spent more time together over the last two weeks
Than the last 6 months combined
And it has been a lovely reconnection
Before everything changes

So we eat
then stand to scrape our plates
load the dishwasher

Nothing fancy
But at least we’re together
To wash dishes, watch t.v. and head to warmed sheets
Because hey,
we can.

So we do.


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