Wednesday, January 19, 2011

i write to remember


while at church
I had a moment of extreme thankfulness
tears welled up in my eyes as we were singing and I let them

I am not a crier
ask my husband
I only cry out of extreme frustration or anger
I am not a happy crier
a hurt crier
or a sad crier

but sunday I cried
happy tears I guess you could call them

I just was overwhelmed at how blessed we are right now
beyond blessed really
and far beyond what we deserve

the fact struck me
a question really
how do we ever not trust God
when we see how perfectly our lives are orchestrated
(and by "perfectly orchestrated" I don't mean only good things happening)
I just mean, how good and bad together work out for the best.

Let me explain the crux of the emotions that came over me on Sunday

If we would have gotten pregnant when we first started trying, in October of 2008, we would’ve had a baby
While struggling to pay off debt
Which would have meant that I would have had no choice but to go back to work full-time
Making money to pay for day care and paying off credit card balances simultaneously
and it would have sucked.

We would have never begun to think about adoption or Ethiopia or little babies on the other sides of the world
We would’ve never gotten to relate to so many couples going through infertility and the struggles and stresses that come with it.
our marriage wouldn't be as strong
and the list could go on and on...

But now, after almost 2 ½ years, we are ready.
Or as ready as we can be, considering where we were only a couple of years ago.

I know I’ve written about it before, but I’ll do it again, just so you see (and I remember) how perfect His timing is:

We are 2 weeks from being out of debt – (maybe another post in itself, but this was not a mere $500 in debt, this was school payments made with credit cards, paying for gas and groceries back when we were dirt poor, poor decisions paid with plastic – the balance was big, but in a little over a year, we went from a lot of debt to nothing – it can be done people, trust me, if we can swing it, anyone can!)

We are 1 month from paying off my car – (we are paying it off a year early, with the money that would have gone to pay off more debt if we had it, and our last Nestle school reimbursement from Curtis last semester. This will help our budget immensely as we try to cut it down even further to prepare for this boy.)

We are a month and a half away from having our son – (as of this coming Saturday I am six weeks from my due date – it’s unbelievable really, boy how time flies!)

AND I have just gotten word (like less than a week ago) that I have been approved at work to do exactly what i want to do after this boy is here - work from home part time (or less) - this is a huge! HUGE! answer to our prayers!

So, after three months of paid maternity leave that I will hopefully start at the beginning of March, I am going to be able to do the thing that I've wanted for so long to do – to be a stay at home (and part time work from home) momma!!! (even typing those words brings tears to my eyes…)

Why do we ever doubt that things will work out?
I am writing this post more for myself than for you to read, so when our next obstacle hits or struggle comes, I can look back on this post and remember
-like stone monuments in the wilderness during Abraham’s time –
that God is and has been good and faithful and kind to us.


Amie said...

You are so blessed and I am overjoyed at the wonderful accomplishments and the new journeys in life you and Curtis get to face together! God is oh so good!

NaperDude said...

Thanks for sharing...

RED said...

Thank you for this post Jessie. It really hit home and encouraged me. I am so excited for you and Curtis!

Tam said...

beautiful words, and amazing truth. Yes! words to remember! thanks for sharing the reminders!

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