Sunday, December 12, 2010

not regret, just a little bit of sadness

photo 2

It just hit me.
A few months after baby M* is born in March will be the one year mark of when we first started our adoption process last May.

I thought about that out of the blue today and it gave me pause.
A moment of sadness really.
Sadness mixed with complete joy.
I know all things happen for a reason, and we wouldn’t change how it all worked out for the world,
but still there is just a little bit of sadness. 

Not regret, just a heaviness in my heart.

Typically an Ethiopia adoption (especially of an infant boy) takes about a year.
That means, that this May/June, if we wouldn’t have gotten pregnant with this little guy, we’d have become parents at right around the same time.
Now M* will be about three months old then, and we’ll still be parents, just not in the way in which we originally thought.

It’s overwhelming to think about really.

His hands will be white instead of the brown we were at first expecting.
I will have endured the tidal waves of pregnancy instead of two trips overseas.

Now, the reality hits me.

We make plans but the Lord directs our steps.
and they are good steps,
great steps really.


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