Thursday, December 2, 2010

i hope i never lose the wonder

photo 2

I sit at work and try to be indiscrete as I pause from work and watch my stomach ebb and flow like the ocean

I can see his movements from under my striped shirt like a tide
I can feel him press through my belly onto my arm that is lightly resting on it
Draped over my protruding abdomen as my hands type on my laptop like a bridge

This is the weirdest sensation and never gets old.
I want to tell the girl that sits next to me
Tell her to watch this craziness as it overtakes my body
I want her to be as fascinated as I am
But like I was with othersI doubt she’d get it, or care.

I never did

I’d see pregnant bellies, even feel the kicks through another’s stomach to my hand
And it would not affect me in the slightest
Now the mere sight of another round circumference on the street
Strangers passing by
Makes me want to run up and grab her hands
Ask her if she’s as in awe as I am
Speak of shared sensations and feelings
Wondering if a bored face means this is old hat for her
Wondering if with each pregnancy comes less fascination

I hope I never lose the wonder

In bed last night I felt my belly move in slow tidal waves
So I pulled back the sheets and blankets
and pulled up my shirt and watched
Then I made curtis watch.
It must be crazy watching a being take over someone else’s body
Without feeling it yourself
And we both watched
Mesmerized until he slowed his roll
And settled in for the evening

Like our puppy
Nesting, spinning in obsessive circles on a couch cushion
Until she’s perfectly ready to curl into a ball for the night
Then still
Eyes close and nothing.

This is how he must be too
Busy and moving and stretching and curling
And then still
Must be sleep

This never gets old.


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