Friday, December 31, 2010
happy new year to you
Posted by jess at Friday, December 31, 2010 0 comments
Saturday, December 25, 2010
merry christmas to all, and to all a good night
today was my first christmas away from my family.
even on years when i lived in england and africa
i always left just days after the 25th and was home the next year before the holidays rolled around again
it was kind of sad
heading out of town knowing i wouldn't be in my bed on christmas eve
eating my mom's homemade breakfast and opening gifts with my siblings on christmas morning
or splitting the holiday between our two families like we've done for the last eight years.
but i must say, this not splitting christmas thing has been so relaxing.
yeah, i miss my fam, but having time to read {john 1}, crochet more granny squares and relax today was something i think i could get used to.
yesterday we spent christmas eve frolicking around downtown chicago. we walked around macy's on state street, wandered through the german market, shared a brautwurst with sauerkraut, strolled through navy pier than took the long way back to the in-laws home to snack on finger foods and lounge.
this morning we woke up early, got ready, scarfed cinnamon rolls and then opened an obscene amount of presents before bumming around the house (and video chatting with my family) until the prime rib was ready for lunch.
now we're sitting in the glow of the christmas tree watching The Other Guys and digesting.
it's been a good day.
but i can't help but wonder how different next christmas will be.
spent at home with a baby that will be closer to a year old than a newborn by then.
and oh, i can't wait.
Posted by jess at Saturday, December 25, 2010 0 comments
Friday, December 17, 2010
a sad day, but you gotta do what you gotta do
Posted by jess at Friday, December 17, 2010 1 comments
Thursday, December 16, 2010
the end of an era
If you've read this blog for any amount of time
you'd know that tonight marks an important night in our little family.
As of this evening
my husband is no longer a college student.
The last final of his senior year has now been completed
and he's on his way to graduation on Sunday.
Man, am I proud of my guy!
Congrats Curtis,
I love you more than you know and can't wait to start spending my evenings and weekends with you!!!
...and just so you know, i'm taking you hostage for the next two weeks that we're off together for the holidays...
Be afraid, be very afraid!!!
Posted by jess at Thursday, December 16, 2010 1 comments
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
i want to be a mom who
I want to be a mom who reads to her kids
I want to be a mom who prays with her kids
I want to be a mom who has a life outside of her kids
I want to be a mom who demonstrates creativity for her kids
I want to be a mom who sings with her kids
I want to be a mom who doesn’t stress over her kids
I want to be a mom who really talks to her kids
I want to be a mom who shows her kids that she loves their dad
I want to be a mom who continues to write
I want to be a mom who maintains her style
I want to be a mom who makes time for herself
I want to be a mom who has other mom friends
I want to be a mom who also has friends that aren’t moms
I want to be a mom who doesn’t mind bringing a baby into non-kid-friendly places
I want to be a mom who wakes up before her kids
I want to be a mom who makes her marriage a priority
I want to be a mom who is in love with motherhood
I want to be a mom who thinks of creative ways to do boring things
I want to be a mom who instills a love of books into her kids
I want to be a mom who is slow to anger and quick to forgive
I want to be a mom who has spur-of-the-moment fun with her kids
I want to be a mom who colors with her kids instead of just watching
I want to be a mom who doesn’t turn on the television as a babysitter
I want to be a mom who takes her role as homemaker seriously
I want to be a mom who uses every opportunity as a moment to teach
I want to be a mom who plays dress up
I want to be a mom who takes full advantage of naptime
I want to be a mom who is not ruled by her children
I want to be a mom who is thoughtful when making decisions
I want to be a mom who teaches her kids to care for others, by doing this herself
I want to be a mom who demonstrates compassion
I want to be a mom who makes time to read grown up books
I want to be a mom who cooks breakfast not just on special occasions
I want to be a mom who gets messy with her kids
I want to be a mom who does not act out of anger or fear
I want to be a mom who does not let kid stuff take over her house
I want to be a mom who would rather put her kid to bed at someone else’s house then leaving early
I want to be a mom who can say I’m sorry to a toddler
I want to be a mom who doesn’t cringe at the idea of pulling every pot and pan out to play
I want to be a mom who cooks with her kids
I want to be a mom who isn’t afraid to get dirty
I want to be a mom who documents everything
I want to be a mom who takes lots of pictures
I want to be a mom who is humble enough to take advice from others
I want to be a mom who has respectful children
I want to be a mom who isn’t always tired and frazzled
I want to be a mom who enjoys a quiet cup of coffee in the morning
I want to be a mom who teaches her children it’s okay to ask questions
I want to be a mom who instills a love for other cultures to her children
I want to be a mom who is a parent to kids of various nationalities
I want to be a mom who has kids who have friends of all different colors
I want to be a mom who still wears high heels
I want to be a mom who carries a purse and not just a diaper bag
I want to be a mom who is proud of her aging body
I want to be a mom who doesn’t always feel guilty spending money on herself
I want to be a mom who is okay saying no to her children
I want to be a mom who can laugh at herself
I want to be a mom who would do it all over again when it's over
*photo: my mom, pregnant with me in 1982. ignore the date, the camera must have been a month or two off because i was born at the end of May.
Posted by jess at Wednesday, December 15, 2010 4 comments
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
a shakespearian reminder to myself during the christmas season
Happy thou art not;
Posted by jess at Tuesday, December 14, 2010 0 comments
Monday, December 13, 2010
the last christmas without you...
not only did i get a text from my grandmother this morning that read:
"you are my angel and you married an angel"
i got an email from one of my {best girlfriends} with a link to this song:
she said that she was listening to it this morning and thought i would like it {which i did}
she said,
"it's about Jesus (and it's beautiful in that context), but i always think about how i felt when i was pregnant with h* and knowing it would be my last Christmas without her here."
so i listened to it with both contexts in mind and my eyes filled with emotion as both touched me in a particular {but different} way.
here are the lyrics if you don't feel like listening
{but oh, you really should, her voice is like the angel my grandmother thinks i am!}
The Last Christmas
-Sixpence None the Richer
I feel your heart beating
Inside my own skin
And I think of Mary
In Bethlehem
That night in a stable
Our Saviour was born
Yes, we have so much
To be thankful for
On the last Christmas
The last Christmas
The last Christmas
Without you
They're choosing the colors
Preparing your room
For one day; Midsummer
The advent of you
Together we wait for
A heavenly gift
Is winter a wonder?
Enchanted that this is
The last Christmas
The last Christmas
The last Christmas
Without you
See the stars shining for above
Hear the singing
Praise to the Giver of Life and Love
Maker of Beautiful things..
I feel you heart beating
Inside my own skin
And I think of Mary
In Bethlehem
When darkness was shattered
The dawn of God's grace
And the journey'd begun
To the first Easter day
On the this Christmas
The last Christmas
The last Christmas
The very last Christmas
The last Christmas (x 3)
Without you
Posted by jess at Monday, December 13, 2010 1 comments
Sunday, December 12, 2010
not regret, just a little bit of sadness
Typically an Ethiopia adoption (especially of an infant boy) takes about a year.
Now, the reality hits me.
Posted by jess at Sunday, December 12, 2010 0 comments
Saturday, December 11, 2010
now entering: the third trimester
The THIRD trimester – that’s 3 out of 3!
Still, I can hardly believe that he will be here in 12 short weeks
- I am peeing more
- I am sleeping poorly
- My belly button is half innie – half outie
- I get winded going up the stairs
- I am hot all the time (not glowing, but nasty sweaty hot)
- I cannot see my feet unless I slightly bend over
- I am getting tired earlier and earlier in the day
Posted by jess at Saturday, December 11, 2010 1 comments
Friday, December 10, 2010
a dangerous concoction
and handicaps
Posted by jess at Friday, December 10, 2010 0 comments
Thursday, December 9, 2010
the times, they are a’changing…
Posted by jess at Thursday, December 09, 2010 2 comments
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
making spirits bright
Posted by jess at Wednesday, December 08, 2010 0 comments
in the grand scheme of things
Sometimes you just need a good cry to
sweep away the clutter and gain a fresh perspective
I guess I’m still in the sweeping away the clutter part of that.
But I did have a good cry this morning
brought on by disappointment, frustration and pure hormones I’m sure
but all is well, and life really couldn’t be better when I look at the big picture,
it’s just sometimes i forget to look at the bigger picture and focus on the daily minuta
which unfortunately isn’t so shiny and bright sometimes.
As curtis texted to me later, after I called him in tears:
“Luckily {it} doesn’t affect you in the grand scheme of things.”
And he’s so right.
I will look back, not in years, but probably in months, even weeks perhaps and think
boy, was that dumb to waste tears over.
Oh, I sure hope that’s the case.
Posted by jess at Wednesday, December 08, 2010 1 comments
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
last night
So, after my little photo shoot, I turned on our electric blanket and scooted into bed…and for once i didn’t fall asleep before Curtis got into bed.
Because I’m a good wife like that.
Posted by jess at Tuesday, December 07, 2010 1 comments
Friday, December 3, 2010
27 week nausea
Lately, when people have been asking me how I feel I’ve been able to smile and say, “Fantastic! I feel like I could do this forever!”
Well, i spoke too soon.
Is it common for nausea to return in your third-ish trimester?
Because Wednesday I woke up with that first trimester feeling all over again.
Queasy, dizzy, hot and sweaty. ugh, i was just starting to forget those four wretched months ever happened.
I sat up in bed and knew I wasn’t going to be able to make it into work.
That all too familiar feeling kept me flat in bed, and i fell asleep for another hour or so.
Then, when I knew I’d be able to sit up without running to put my head in the toilet I went downstairs and ate some cheerios
The comfort food of all comfort foods if you ask me
And it helped a bit, but not entirely.
And then yesterday it happened again.
I woke up feeling fine, but at around 9am, while sitting at my desk a wave of nausea came over me again
I took long steady breaths, pretending to work until it passed.
I don’t know how I did that for four months. It’s a miserable feeling.
Then it passed, and M* continued to kick and flip.
I actually think that’s part of where the nausea was coming from.
The bigger he gets, not only do his kicks get stronger, but I can feel when his whole body shifts, turns and flips
I think it’s actually making me kind of motion sick…
It’s a feeling akin to seasickness –
But it’s worth it – I won’t complain. and now it's gone, just like that.
I’d rather have this seasickness than on the most beautiful yacht in the middle of the ocean.
Posted by jess at Friday, December 03, 2010 0 comments
Thursday, December 2, 2010
i hope i never lose the wonder
I sit at work and try to be indiscrete as I pause from work and watch my stomach ebb and flow like the ocean
I can see his movements from under my striped shirt like a tide
I can feel him press through my belly onto my arm that is lightly resting on it
Draped over my protruding abdomen as my hands type on my laptop like a bridge
This is the weirdest sensation and never gets old.
I want to tell the girl that sits next to me
Tell her to watch this craziness as it overtakes my body
I want her to be as fascinated as I am
But like I was with othersI doubt she’d get it, or care.
I never did
I’d see pregnant bellies, even feel the kicks through another’s stomach to my hand
And it would not affect me in the slightest
Now the mere sight of another round circumference on the street
Strangers passing by
Makes me want to run up and grab her hands
Ask her if she’s as in awe as I am
Speak of shared sensations and feelings
Wondering if a bored face means this is old hat for her
Wondering if with each pregnancy comes less fascination
I hope I never lose the wonder
In bed last night I felt my belly move in slow tidal waves
So I pulled back the sheets and blankets
and pulled up my shirt and watched
Then I made curtis watch.
It must be crazy watching a being take over someone else’s body
Without feeling it yourself
And we both watched
Mesmerized until he slowed his roll
And settled in for the evening
Like our puppy
Nesting, spinning in obsessive circles on a couch cushion
Until she’s perfectly ready to curl into a ball for the night
Then still
Eyes close and nothing.
This is how he must be too
Busy and moving and stretching and curling
And then still
Must be sleep
This never gets old.
Posted by jess at Thursday, December 02, 2010 0 comments
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
an update: granny square quilt
Well, I’ve come a long way (if I do say so myself) in my granny square progress.
Looking back on my {original granny square post}
I’m embarrassed that I ever thought any of those square looked good.
They didn’t, and now that I know what I’m doing, I know that.
Since that post I have started on the real thing and I must admit, I’m pretty proud of myself
And excited to see the finished product.
To date I’ve made over 60 squares – each one different and quite adorable
It didn’t hurt that I had four days off last week – when I wasn’t hosting thanksgiving dinner, I was a little crocheting machine.
When I originally told my mom I was going to make a granny square quilt, she laughed at me and told me I couldn’t do it.
my mom is usually much more encouraging so I was a little taken aback.
I don’t think she understood the fact that I had been online trying to teach myself how to do it.
I think she thought I was just going to make it up as I went.
but either way, for someone who virtually taught themselves how to be a master knitter, I was a little taken aback.
What do you mean I can’t do it?
Her subtle discouragement only made me want to do it more.
So last night, after inviting myself over for dinner at their house while Curtis was at class, i brought over my ziplock bags of granny square loot. And she was impressed as i knew she would be. and i think now she wants to learn - i told you it's an addicting craft once you get the hang of it.
then icing on the cake last night was that she felt the boy kick for the first time.
*I was too lazy to take the stacks of squares out of the ziploc bags i've been storing them in.
each stack is a stack of six and each stack of six is a variation of the three different colors in the square on top.
the little crocheted circles are how each square starts. the white of the outer edge is what gives each one their corners and turns it into a cute little granny square.
and how'd you like our skinny little tree this year? we love it!
Posted by jess at Wednesday, December 01, 2010 7 comments