Wednesday, November 3, 2010

reflections on psalm 139

For you created my inmost being;
   you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
   your works are wonderful,
   I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
   when I was made in the secret place,
   when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
   all the days ordained for me were written in your book
   before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
   How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
   they would outnumber the grains of sand—
   when I awake, I am still with you…

psalm 139:13-18

yesterday I read {this}
and although i don’t personally know her (she’s a friend to many of my friends)
I feel so similarly about our boy as she does about hers
And although my boy won’t turn one for about 16 more months
Both sons were the answer to many, many prayers.
Like her, I feel that I understand God’s love for me better because of
this gift he has given to me.

Last night we read psalm 139 at bible study
And for the first time I considered the words in a whole new way
Through the eyes of a mother and not the eyes of a girl longing to be known.

that he was known,
is known
was planned
has been planned all along
that it didn't take us two years to conceive by chance
but because God's plan was for this boy
this one
to be part of our family all along

and he thinks about him
and knows him better than i know the kicks and wiggles
and he loves him
better than i love him

so on the way home I just prayed for him 
over him
and it was really a sweet moment
just the two of us
in the car
in the dark
as i drove nearly deserted street
from one side of town to another
i felt a new thankfulness for this new life

Jessica said on her blog that her son was (and still is) an answer to a long time prayer 
and she will never doubt God's love for her again because of it.

I feel so similarly 
the part about not doubting that God loves me 
not only because of this - because I know the same feelings would’ve been there with adoption, 
but now, in this place, knowing that this boy is an answer to so many prayers – 
I’m poignantly aware of grace.

grace, and the fact that God delights in giving good things to his children
and for that I'm so thankful.

His works are wonderful.
i know that full well


Amie said...

beautiful, Jess.

Anonymous said...

I wandered here from Cjane's blog. I am so very happy for you! Congratulations and good luck with the rest of your pregnancy. :) He's a lucky little boy.


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