Sunday, October 31, 2010

happy hallo-ween-y


 from one scaredy-cat (or dog) to another!

Friday, October 29, 2010

how is October already almost over?


this morning
 i had the realization
that i will never again
live through another
without a little one
in tow
i'm okay
with that

just a
having something this big
to look forward to

this isn't like
my birthday
or even a beach vacation
this is so much
better and i

tonight we are laying low
making calzones
an apple pie
curtis is even picking up
vanilla ice cream
on his way home

then we're going to
head up to the
and sit on the floor
and put together
our changing table

then eat ice cream
and pie
to celebrate
one more step closer
meeting our son.

tomorrow i hit the five and a half
month mark
we've already passed the
halfway point
but i still love to count the weeks.
just another week
closer to 40

when i told my sister in law
our plans for the night
she said
get used to it
wait until your dates
a netflix movie
and a frozen pizza

i told her that's
already what our friday nights
look like
so we're in good shape
except that we're doing homemade calzones
 instead of frozen pizza
and instead of a movie
furniture bonding

it's going to be a
date night

Thursday, October 28, 2010

the tornado strikes again

last night I was like a tornado
I got phone calls made on the way home from work
then I “pooped the dog” (walked around the neighborhood until she pooped)
while on our walk, I ran into an old friend and talked for a while
when I got back, I changed into comfy sweats,
did the dishes, paid some bills,
balanced my check book, did some budgeting and
got in the shower right as curtis was calling me to tell me he was on his way home
I timed it perfectly.
I was getting out of the shower as he was pulling up the driveway.
so I got dressed and met him downstairs with a kiss.
unfortunately, what I did not do in my tornado state was make or eat dinner
I had promised him I’d cook – dang it.
so I did what any good (and hungry) wife would do,
I defrosted some frozen chili and some frozen (already cooked pasta) and made us a
quick and easy late night dinner
that we ate on the couch while watching Modern Family
and we scarfed our dinner as we snorted at the ridiculousness of that show
(the dad is soooo Curtis! If you’ve seen the show and know my husband I’m sure you’ll agree!)
It was a good night.
A night that lets me enjoy a little guilt-free vegging in front of the tv watching the finale of Project Runway
(go Mondo!)

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

a kick to the side of the face


*this is the sweet face that was on, read on...

Last night *M (I think we decided on a name, but we’re not telling quite yet) was pummeling me all evening long.
All day really.
Punching and kicking.
Not painful, just funny
Laying on the couch last night
Literally watching my stomach go up and down with every breath
and between breaths, popping up with the force of a hand or a foot within
Curtis was at class, so I tried to take some iphone video of it to no avail
With the grainy images all you could see is the movement of my breathing
When he called telling me he was on the way home I silently prayed for more kicks when he got home

Now for about a month now, I’ve been pestering Curtis to lay his palm on my bare belly and wait
And he gets antsy and annoyed that he can’t feel anything even though
I’ve been sure my hand can feel what I want him to be able to feel
So over the course of a few weeks he’s been less enthused to sit with me on the couch
With hand resting on my abdomen

So last night, when I again began with my pleas to sit with me and try to feel him
He rolled his eyes but sat down next to me anyways on the couch.
We were still
And M* didn’t make a peep
Didn’t wiggle a toe

Again Curtis was annoyed,
Telling me that he’d try again in a month or so, when the boy
Was not the one pound that he is today, but doubled in weight and
No doubt strength as well

Fast forward an hour or two
We are laying in bed
When our son starts kicking me right below my belly button
(I think he was just being protective of his mama)

I said, “Curtis, I’m serious, he’s kicking HARD, I know you’ll be able to feel this,”
As I slowly grabbed his hand and placed it on the lower half of my stomach
And then it happened again and he felt it.
Yup, he felt it like I knew he would.

Then he laid his heavy head as gently as he could on my stomach and
Started talking and he felt his kicks on his face
his cheek specifically

And that was it.

After that, we all went to sleep happy.
At least I know I did.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010










today is my little seester's birthday...

we're only 18 months apart and i do love her so

even if she doesn't wear osh-kosh overalls and have a mullet anymore...

oh wait, i think that was me!

happy birthday Jen...

Monday, October 25, 2010

what i did on a monday night


after a wonderful weekend full of
fall festivals
with a little fairy and a handsome monkey
and baby-registering with one of my
most favorite mommy friends
and bonfires and hot dogs and chili
and talking and laughing
i had to stay home today with a "tuuurible" migraine
(that was for you c&k)
it wasn't the ideal way to start a new week
but i made the best of it tonight
i made batch #2 of homemade applesauce
while i made two loaves of pumpkin bread
and well over two dozen chocolate chip banana muffins
my freezer supply of cozy and comforting baked goods
was running dry and I got the urge to bake
sweet autumny goodness
and pumpkins
what can be better?

Friday, October 22, 2010

a day redeemed


Wednesday wasn’t the best day.
I was cranky
I had a really long, slow and boring day at work,
So to fill that part of my usually busy brain,
I found a hundred other things to fill that space that’s usually preoccupied by clients and words and meetings.
Unfortunately I filled it with mostly anxious thoughts, worries, feelings of being overwhelmed with all that’s coming up in the next two months
Everything I have to plan and everywhere we have to go and pack and buy and do.
The mental to do list became a mile long as I felt anxiety over pretty much everything in life right now
Except this baby.
Probably the thing I should feel the most anxious about, I am not in the slightest.
I guess that’s good, right? Or maybe bad.
Naïve maybe
But in the hours of boring work monotony, I filled that quiet, content piece of myself with a million marbles of
Fear and doubt and reluctance.
Then the baby started pummeling me as I was sitting at my desk attempting to work
And it hurt
And I was uncomfortable and just wanted to go home.
And eventually it was five o’clock and I did
And stopped for milk and finally got home and
Cleaned up puppy barf on the floor
Then finished making some white bean and ham soup I had started earlier
And opened the mail and took a shower and sat down feeling like crap.
The boy was still at it.
The ligament pains were killer and I think I was literally growing by the minute
Being stretched and pulled
And I had to poop
And I was feeling yucky and queasy for the first time in weeks, maybe months
Then curtis got home with his shoulders full of stress and anxiety and exhaustion
And eventually as he settled in to study, I just had to go to bed.
It was only 8:30.
But he followed me upstairs
And brought the dog
And layed next to me
As Mea ran circles around our duvet
And begged us to rub her belly
And I rubbed hers as he rubbed mine
And we talked and laughed and
The laughing hurt but I didn’t care
The muscles in my stomach tightened and ached
But we just kept on laughing
My whole family was cozy on the bed with me
And the day was almost over and I was ready for another fresh start
A new day
Then curtis turned off the light
Took the dog in his arms
After she tried to avoid him by sitting on my face
and went downstairs to study
Leaving me warm and cozy under sheets and blankets already warmed with body heat and laughter
And I drifted off to sleep feeling tired but better
And somehow
In those few moments of laughter and the slap happy silly that only comes with
Utter exhaustion
We had redeemed a really crappy day
Both of us
Scratch that
The three of us
(four if you count Mea)

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

halfway there

halfway there: 5 months/ 20 weeks pregnant

on Saturday i hit the halfway point of this pregnancy
20 weeks
5 months

for how awful the first few months were
the last couple have been pretty great
i'm starting to like this pregnancy thing

friends have told me that they miss the feeling of kicks and wiggles
after giving birth
i can understand why

for the last couple days i've felt only a few little kicks and movements
yesterday i was starting to get a little nervous
after days on end of a consistently active boy
there wasn't much movement to remind me of the little life inside.

last night i was in the shower and i gave my son his first lecture.
"i won't say this very often XX (insert probable name here) but i'd love it if you gave your momma a strong kick in the gut."

he must be stubborn, just like me, because i felt pretty much nothing for the rest of the night.
i wasn't scared, just wanted some sort of sign that this was normal, typical mid pregnancy stuff.
i knew it was, but still
it's not that i wasn't feeling anything
i was feeling something, just not the kicks i had been feeling
so i went to bed hoping tomorrow would bring those feisty feet back to the forefront of my abdomen
i woke up this morning with a headache.
probably the most annoying thing about pregnancy + migraines = the lack of medicinal options.
so i emailed work that i'd be staying/ working from home and went back to bed with a sudafed.
a few hours later i was feeling relatively decent so i got up and went downstairs to have some coffee.

i sat on the couch and sipped my coffee, hoping the caffeine jolt would startle the little one awake.
and after half a mugful, it must've done the trick because
a good kick to my gut is what i got.

and now, as i sit and type this now, there is movement, and lots of it.
no doubt about it. he's in there and wants it to be known.
and i am relieved and thankful

and sad that oneday i won't have this crazy special bond with my boy.

i know i will miss this when he's in my arms and not my belly.
this is probably why some women
like the octomom want a hundred kids

just to feel those kicks inside.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Sundays are for Church...


We didn't make it to church today. i woke up with a migraine and had to go back to bed. We had to cancel lunch plans with friends. Luckily i got up at about 10 feeling about 90% better and our day could finally begin... I got to visit a new baby at the hospital, and in a bit we're having dinner with some friends. but with no church in our Sunday plans for the day, i thought i'd tell you a funny story that has to do with a man of that last name...Mr. Church.

So, over the course of the past few months I have been getting wrong number calls on my cell phone all looking for the same man.

They started as calls from a woman, or women, I can’t remember, after a few wrong number, late night calls I just lumped them all into the same catergory – booty calls.

Then I got a voicemail one day from a health insurance company. All they said is that they were looking for Jesse. Made semi-sense, but I forgot to call them back.

Then they called again leaving more information on my voicemail. 
They were from my insurance company. MY insurance company, looking for Jesse again. 
This time is was a nurse with the insurance company, checking in on “me.”

So I called back.

See, I had just been in contact with them to get some pertinent pregnancy coverage information for my OB.
They said a company nurse would be calling me for an initial pregnancy interview.

Unfortunately when I called back the number the woman left she started by telling me she was calling to check up on my mental health.

Red flag number one.

I then told her I thought an OB nurse would be contacting me.

She sounded confused.

“Is this Jesse C?” she asked. (*Curtis doesn't want me to use this full name together just in case he googles his name and finds my blog!)

“Uhhhm, no.” I said.

“But this is number XXX-XXX-XXXX isn’t it?”

“Yes, but this isn’t the number to a Jesse C. My name is Jessica P.”

More confused silence.

“So you aren’t Jesse C. and you didn’t just leave the psych ward?”

“Uhhh, no.” Pretty sure I didn’t just leave the loony bin.

“Well, then ma’am, I’m really sorry for bothering you, I’ll get your phone number removed from his records.”

Dial tone.

Then a few weeks later I get a call from the psych ward, looking for Mr. C again.

Nope, wrong number.

Then about two weeks ago I get a voicemail from a debt collector looking for Jesse.

I rolled my eyes and did not return the call. I knew they weren’t looking for me.

Then Friday it happened again. Another “urgent” voicemail from the same debt collecting company.

So I decided to return the call.

The woman was nice. Same story. 

No this wasn’t the phone number of Mr. Jesse C.

Sorry ma’am.

Oh, don't worry about it, it's not the first time this has happened. probably won't be the last either no doubt.

I don’t know this man, but I’m pretty sure I’m getting to know his story.

The women
The psych ward
The debt collectors


As much as I’m annoyed with all the calls, I do feel bad for this guy that has Church in his name.

Friday, October 15, 2010


Today I was sitting at work and suddenly got very uncomfortable
my back started to hurt, as did my side and my ribs 
and instead of the gentle rolling tumble that had slowly turned to 
gracious pokes and prods that I had been feeling
I felt a good kick to my ribs
and not just one but many, back to back
lasting until i left work for the day
the pressure and jabs of my boy
from my hip bone to my rib cage 
my left side was alit with the feeling of a boy
all boy
I guess I gotta get used to the rough-housing sooner rather than later

Thursday, October 14, 2010

kaffee klatsch + naming babies

cafe latte

kaffee•klatsch (kä′fā kläc̸h′, kô′fē klac̸h′)
an informal gathering for drinking coffee and talking

thursday mornings are one of the highlights of my week.
i wake up early (like before 6am early)
get ready  and hurry out the door to meet Judy for our weekly kaffee-klatsch.

i don't know where i first heard this term but i loved it and jotted
it down for a future post.
It fit so well with our ritual. That is exactly what we do, sip coffee
(or tea) while waking up, and chat.

Today we chatted about baby names.
We just started reading Matthew and it starts with the chronology of Jesus.
She asked how has being a mother changed the way I read the story of
Jesus’ birth.
I told her I read the usual “boring” chronology with boy names on my mind.
The options were less than ideal.

Then she googled “distinctive boy names” on her laptop
and we laughed as we threw trendy options around.
The site we found broke names down by trendy, unisex, metrosexual and country.
My brother in law’s name was on the country list.
Many names on the lists have already been taken by family and friends.

We have a name in the running.
We have both liked it since before we were planning to adopt.
We liked it as a boy name or a girl name.
I still love it. Curtis is unsure.
He’s taking this whole give-your-child-a-name thing rather seriously.
Maybe I’m just being too carefree about it.

I just have a hunch that it’s the name of this little guy.
My first motherly hunch was right,
We’ll just have to wait and see if this one will be as well.

This morning, from the shower, Curtis was telling me how he’s going to
start testing the name out
To see if it “fits”
I don’t like the idea of trial runs of names

“You’re going to confuse him.” I responded from the other room.

He disagreed.

In my mind I don’t want to start calling him by a name until we’re
certain of it.
I want to decide on a name and then name him. No turning back.

There is no test-run with parenthood.
There should be no test-runs with naming either.

*How did you decide on your child(ren)’s name? Family name? Name
books? Dreams? Last minute decision in the delivery room?
I’d like to know.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

OMG take them away…

Leanne is a dear friend of mine. The wife of one of Curtis’ best work buddies, we became friends a few years ago and our friendship has just blossomed from there. She is also the author of a lovely blog called {Drinking from Our Saucer}...full of adorable pictures of her growing family (she and Chris have a one and a half year old son and baby #2 on the way!...aren't they a cute fam?!)

She’s a fabulously creative woman. She recently started a small business making the coolest baby slings, breast-feeding covers and diaper/ wipe holders. Her shop is up on Etsy and is called {LilChicadees}

A couple weeks ago, she and I went on a little shopping excursion to find fabric for the sling, cover and holder that she wanted to make me for our little guy. We found the perfect fabric (very “me”) and I can’t wait to see how they turn out – almost as much as I can’t wait to actually get to use them!!!

I have very few friends that love crafty goodness as much as I do, and she is definitely one that I can barely keep up with (ok, scratch that, I CAN’T keep up with her creativity!) she inspires me and makes me want to whip out my little sewing machine and get crackin’ too...i'm hoping we'll have many a time to craft and create together once my little pumpkin arrives...


Last autumn Leanne and her husband Chris had us over for dinner. 
On the menu for dessert that night were pumpkin cookies.

Now, I don’t have a big sweet tooth, I’d much prefer something salty over something sweet nine times out of 10, but this night changed everything for me.

I’ve always loved all things pumpkin. It’s one of the reasons I love fall so much. Pumpkin pie. Pumpkin bread. Pumpkin muffins, and that night I added pumpkin cookies to the list.

So, last week when I was having a hankering for some pumpkin-y goodness, I pulled out the recipe that I begged and pleaded out of Leanne and whipped up a batch.

But boy oh boy, do I kind of wish I didn’t…they were haunting me. Staring me down.
I even sent some over to a neighbor’s party with Curtis (I was home nursing a migraine), and still, the one’s left are threatening my willpower.

I do not wish to gain 10 pounds of pumpkin cookies this week... Oh these cookies will be the death of me (I ate two on the way to work more than one morning last week with my morning cup of coffee forcing me to take the rest, put them in ziplock bags and stuff them into the far, far back of my freezer for another time.

So, without further ado, Leanne’s Famed Pumpkin Cookie recipe:

2 c. flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp nutmeg
1/2 tsp salt
1 c. sugar
1 c. shortening
1 c. pumpkin
1 egg
1 tsp vanilla

1/2 c. butter
1 c. brown sugar
1/4 c. milk
2  c. powdered sugar

Cream sugar, shortening, egg, pumpkin, and vanilla.  Add dry ingredients.  Drop by small scoopfuls or by tablespoon on nonstick or greased cookie sheet (although I've never greased my cookie sheets).  bake 10-12 min (I always have to go a bit longer.~13 min) @ 350

Melt butter. Add milk. boil 2 min at low heat.  Remove.  Stir in brown sugar.  bring to a boil.  cool to luke warm.  beat in powdered sugar. If too thick when icing, add a tiny bit of hot water. 


Thanks Leanne for the cookie recipe and for the baby goodies I know are to come sometime before March! I can’t wait to share photos of all three of her creations in action in a few months!!!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

11 things i've noticed lately

1. that people feel very strongly about the topic of cravings during pregnancy, and that's not just reflected in the comments left on my post about that topic...

2. i feel like i'm getting bigger by the day but some people still can't tell i'm pregnant, even after i tell them i'm already almost 5 months along; i'm ready to be BIG...

3. tonight i looked in the mirror before getting in the shower and my belly button looked different. it hasn't popped out, but my very, very deep innie is starting to bulge and it kinda grossed me out/ fascinated me...

5. sleeping on my stomach has been long gone for months now, but sleeping on either side leaves my left leg painfully tingly and numb even after only a couple minutes, thus leaving me no option but to sleep on my back...

6. that a mere rubberband bought me an extra month or two on my pants...but now the bellyband i got at Target just isn't cutting it which led me to buy my first pair of (pretty cute compared to what i was expecting) maternity jeans at Old Navy yesterday and i'm not sure how i feel about that full coverage blue band thing that goes up to my boobs, so i wore the belly band with my old jeans to work today and decided to try the other ones again in a couple days...

7. pretty soon my boobs will be too large for a normal-sized bra -- i'm not sure where to go once i'm out of the size i'm in now. that and my boobs look like maps of hundreds of blue rivers...

8. i have not had a craving (although i believe they exist, okay!) however, i do know that autumn is a dangerous time to try to not gain 50 pounds worth of pumpkin-y, apple-y goodness...(more about the pumpkin goodness in a later post.)

9. i'm not tired like i was in my first trimester, but many nights i still get overwhelmed with exhaustion and must go to sleep somewhere around 8 or 9 o' favorite is when Curtis agrees to go to bed early with me and we fall asleep together (like we did last night) well before 9...

10. i've been feeling movement and kicks for a couple of weeks now and i love it...but i'm so anxious and excited to have Curtis feel the moving that i'm afraid i'm missing out on the bonding that's taking place between me and baby because i'm antsy for the next i've tried to take a few quiet moments before sleep and right when i wake up to put my hand on my belly and really be present in the moments when it's just me and my boy falling asleep and waking's been lovely...

11. when i felt the boy move for the first time, it really felt "real"...then we found out the "baby" was a "him" and it was solidified. we don't have to wait for the birth to become parents. we've been parents since conception but something about finding out we're having a son -- have a son -- made it even that more real. we are parents right now to a little almost one pound precious baby boy that sucks his thumb, plays with his hands, sits like a frog and is already the second love of my life.

Monday, October 11, 2010

snips and snails and puppy dogs tails...

my boy

that's what little boys are made of...

i don't really even know what that means

but i'd better find out 


...we're having a BOY!

*sorry for the less than stellar photo quality...
these are iphone photos taken of the ultrasound printouts while we were still sitting in the doctor's office...
too lazy to scan tonight :)

Monday, October 4, 2010

a post at random


This weekend i read {this} on a blog i follow called Flux Capacitor:

Sometimes love is most romantic in it's most practical forms. It is the mundane acts of simple lives that can end up encompassing the true heart and soul of a family, the step and step and step again dullness of daily life that hard work and sacrifice can illuminate into something far more beautiful and real and moving than any flowers, parties or fancy gifted presents or moments can do. Everything is illuminated. 

Yesterday i pretty much slept the day away.

I took a nap during football that I was trying hard not to take.

Then I woke up feeling queasy for the first time in well over a month.
So I reluctantly left my husband alone on the couch to watch football, study and fend dinner for himself as I went up to bed at 6pm.

At around 8 he gently woke me up with crackers in his hand, urging me to eat something.
I didn't want to but I knew he was right. I needed food in my empty stomach. 

He then let me go back to sleep without making me feel guilty.

I slept until 6:23 this morning.

Curtis was already up and out the door. He had already walked the dog and had kissed me goodbye as my legs were still a tangle of sheets and pillows under the covers.

I instinctively put my hand to my belly trying to feel for something.

Last Wednesday, as i was home sick with a migraine, i felt the baby move for the first time.
Less the feeling of butterflies and gas bubbles than a slow rolling, waves of motion in my abdomen. It was amazing. Still is really. 

This weekend i could've sworn that i felt him (or her) move my hand that was resting on my belly. I think it was just my imagination, but i hoped it was for Curtis' sake. I want to share this with him.

Last week this pregnancy became that much more "real." I want it to be as real for him as well.

Friday we go for my monthly OB appointment. This is the big one. This is the ultrasound where we (hopefully) find out the sex of this little moving one inside. This is when it becomes just a little bit more real. This is when this child officially becomes our son or our daughter. This is when my heart explodes just a little bit more. This is when we see our baby as more than a little six week spot on a screen. 

Sometimes love comes in the most mundane acts and circumstances, the dull moments and the monotonous days. But sometimes love comes in the silent, earth shattering seconds when everything changes, when life as we know it becomes all about that little form on a dark screen.

Template by - background image by elmer.0