Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Yesterday was not a good day.

Saturday I had such high hopes.
I wasn’t nauseas. I wasn't exhausted. I felt good. For the first time in months.
I even made a comment to Curtis:

I hope I’m not jinxing myself, but I think I may have turned a corner.

Not so much.

Sunday I went to bed with a headache.
It got progressively worse throughout the night.
I didn’t sleep a wink.
Tylenol does nothing for me
So I writhed in pain all night
Waking up Curtis every so often with my moans

By 5:30am on Monday morning I was in agony.
I was nauseas, i had a very upset stomach, i was miserable.
I could either go to the ER or take my migraine medicine.

My migraine medicine (Relpax) is a level C on the list of medicines safe for pregnancy (A being the safest)
My doctor said to try to avoid it if at all possible, and so far this pregnancy it has been.

I was scared to take it.
But I was desperate.

So I took the pill.
And prayed.

20 minutes later I began vomiting uncontrollably.
Curtis asked me if I wanted him to take the day off to stay with me.
I said no. I had to ride this one out alone.

And that’s just what I did.
With a trash can wrapped in a garbage bag (my husband’s ingenious idea to keep nasty germs out of our bed when i have to get intimate with a trash can)
I laid in bed with by trusty trash can and dry heaved until my migraine went away.
Then the migraine broke,
I threw up one more time and then it stopped.

I felt defeated.
A sweaty, shivering mess.

But once more, I had survived.

These have been some of the hardest months of my life.

But even as I laid there, I thought to myself.

This is worth it.

That has become my mantra.

It’s all worth it.

For the rest of the day I felt empty
A feeling similar to hunger, but also akin to utter exhaustion.

I was tired.
Tired of feeling sick and helpless and a human form similar to a gelatinous mess.

On Saturday I thought I was turning a corner, obviously I was wrong.

But I’m okay.
More than okay really.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Even if that little light is not until March.


Amie said...

Aw honey, I am so sorry this has been sooooo hard on you. It is worth it in the end, I promise. I know you know that, but sometimes you need to hear it. Here is one little tip I learned. Mt. Dew. Buy lots and lots of Mountain Dew. My friend Adrianne gets horrible migraines, just like you. When she was pregnant and in the middle of a raging migraine, her doctor told her to go and get it and drink that first before taking any of her meds. Try it first because it usually works. It might not get rid of the migraine entirely, but it will dull it enough where you can survive. I had one migraine in my 1st trimester and I drank it and it really worked amazing.

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