Wednesday, August 25, 2010

the baby story, part 4: finding out





So I’ll take you back to the 4th of July. Actually, let’s start the night of the 3rd.

On Saturday night, July 3, after a nice BBQ with some neighbors that we’d never socially hung out with before, and after telling them all about our adoption, we came home and registered and paid for a 10-hour online Hague adoption training program ($175) and went through the first two lessons together. This was one of the items we had to complete before our homestudy could be completed (luckily this can be completed and remain valid for up to 3 years)

Anyways, Sunday morning, July 4, Curtis had planned to have breakfast with a friend before church, so I tagged along (because we didn’t want two cars on the west side) and I dropped him off at First Watch and made my way to the Starbucks down the street.

I brought along with me all of our adoption paperwork. We had just been sent all of our dossier paperwork and all of our home study paperwork. I sat on the patio outside of Starbucks with an iced coffee and got organized. I read what needed to be read and made lists and prioritized what had to be filled out and sent in and paid for and then with an hour left, I got to work. I began filling out paperwork for our home study.

Then it was church time, so I packed up, got Curtis and drove to church. Fast forward to the way home from church. We’re talking about our afternoon plan: to work on some paperwork that had to be mailed back to continue keeping the process rolling, then we were going to organize some stuff in the basement in order to make more room in the nursery before a family BBQ that evening.

Then I just happened to mention the fact that I was on day 37 of my cycle and I thought Clomid would give me a 28 day cycle. But I just guessed I was wrong and thought nothing of it.

Then Curtis said, “you know, before we mail in another big (non-refundable) check, why don’t we just take a pregnancy test.”

“I’m not pregnant,” I retorted.

But as I was saying that he veered into the CVS parking lot.

“Whatever,” I said as we got out of the car. I knew I wasn’t pregnant and if it took $10 to prove it then so be it.

We bought a two pack of tests, and some gum and drove home. I had to pee anyways, so I ran upstairs, tests in hand and Curtis went to go walk the dog. I’ve taken so many pregnancy tests before, I mindlessly opened one up, sat down and peed. Then I put the little cap back on and set it on the counter. I wiped, flushed, buttoned back up my jeans and glanced at the test, then at the box, then frantically at the test again.
I started to shake.

Like seriously shake.

I ran downstairs with the test and the box, but of course Curtis was still walking the dog. I paced the kitchen and continued to shake and kept muttering, “oh my gosh, oh my gosh!”

Then I heard Curtis and Mea walking up the driveway. He walked casually in the back door not knowing that he was about to be bombarded with life-changing, earth-shattering news. I picked up the test and literally threw it at him.

“Can you look at this!” I pretty much yelled at him.

“What? Ew, gross” he responded, thinking more about my pee getting on him.

“What?” he said again.

“Look at the box,” I said flatly, still shaking.

“OH MY….WHAT?! Are you serious? You’re kidding me, right?! WHAT???!!!”

Then we both started laughing, and crying and shaking. I showed him my hand, literally vibrating.

Then we both got very quiet and it hit us – the adoption.

We have to postpone the adoption.

I tried not to cry – thinking to myself how crazy – to be sad and cry when we finally got a positive pregnancy test after almost 20 months of trying.

But I told you, I’d be lying if I told you I had no emotions but pure, unadulterated joy.

We were happy, but we had to mourn the loss (or the postponement) of this other dream. It was hard. We didn’t smile. We made our way to the couch and sat down. We were both silent. In shock. Curtis suggested we pray. So we did. And we cried. Both out of happiness and sadness.

Then we said amen.

“I have to call Kate.” I said. And thankfully he agreed.

So I did.

And then she joined our shock. And we talked and it made me feel better, but I was still in shock.

Then we called my parents and told them to stop over.

And they did. And we told them and they screamed and squealed and cried and we just sat there.

Shock.

And then Curtis’ brother and sister-in-law came over and we told them. She got all teary-eyed and he gave us each a massive bear hug.

Then we went to Curtis’ parents’ house for the BBQ. And we told them

They thought we were joking. We weren’t. She said, “I just knew this was going to happen!”

I didn’t.

Never in a million years did we ever think this would happen.

Ever.

And now it has and our reality has shifted. In one moment everything shifted.

Curtis said it’s like going full speed on the road and then in a second deciding to stop and back up at full speed and go in reverse the other direction. And it does.

Because although we went on Clomid (this was the first month of it) we really didn’t think it would work and we were going full force into this adoption process.

But it worked.

And now we change directions.

At full force going the other way.

On a road of exhaustion and morning (scratch that -- all day) sickness and a timeline to a baby that just got shorter by about half.

And we thank the Lord that his timing is perfect and we have infinite reasons to trust Him.

And we know that adoption is not out of the picture and we thank God that He gave us the heart to adopt before we received this gift.

It scares me to think what this would all look like outside of his perfect timeline.

We would never have had this passion for orphans or Ethiopia or adoption.

It humbles us and makes us quake in fear and awe that we ever didn’t trust Him.

We know there are no guarantees and no promises, but in this moment we trust and like the adoption process, we simply take the next step – even if it is only heading to the bathroom to be sick.

5 comments:

Marisa said...

"It scares me to think what this would all look like outside of his perfect timeline." Amen! Really so happy for you guys. :)

~shannon~ said...

i am so happy for you!
tears actually came to my eyes when i read this post!
OVERJOYED for you guys!

God always has a plan and a purpose, no matter what!

Cindy said...

Congratulations on your pregnancy. It would be very hard to switch gears from adoption but it will all work the way it is meant to. I hope someday you get the chance to expereince adoption too...it is as amazing as giving birth :)

Julie M said...

Jess, we are so thrilled for you guys. Missed seeing you for a few weeks so I thought I'd see what you've been up to. I've enjoyed reading the updates this morning.

Amanda Kate said...

I am ASHAMED to be so late in finding out about your pregnancy, but as soon as I put 2 and 2 together, I typed as fast as my little fingers could handle to get to your blog. Jess! How marvelous! How wonderful! Tears are still in my eyes. I am so overjoyed for you both. Congratulations :)

 
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