Monday, May 31, 2010

19 months and counting...or is that 19 months and clomid?


Last Thursday we went to the gynecologist to discuss "next steps."

It’s been almost 19 months (but who’s counting) and still no bun in the oven.

{Last November}, after I found out I only had one fallopian tube and a unicornuate uterus my gynecologist told us to take it easy and enjoy some “trying” for a few months – he meant three months.

Well, it is the last day of May today (over 6 months later) and I finally got up the nerve to make an appointment.
It felt like we were giving up – admitting we needed help - which we weren’t and we do.

But in the meantime a lot has happened...

We are open to whatever ways the Lord chooses to grow our family. I can't go into the details now (and to be honest, we don’t have too many details to share at this point), but all that to say, we haven’t given up hope in conceiving, and haven't given up our desire to adopt, so I made the appointment and off we went in an effort to not prematurely shut any doors that  were meant to stay open.

We had to wait in the waiting room a little longer than expected. As Curtis played on his iphone, I sat there, watching young girls, old women, mothers and daughters and one other husband and wife duo (obviously pregnant) go in and out. I made up stories in my head about each woman, guessed how long it took the one couple to conceive, and wondered if that would ever be us, sitting in that office, big-bellied and nervous.

I imagine that those looking at us sitting in that waiting room together were thinking that my husband was with me for our first ultrasound or to find out the sex of our baby. But with coffee in hand, I knew I was throwing them off. I felt like we were a teenage couple, out of place together there. Nervous to hear what the doctor would advise. Would he tell us to just give up (of course he didn't) or recommend the most expensive in fertility treatments (we had already decided that those weren't for us). So we waited (he patiently and me anxiously) until we were called back. 

We were then greeted by my doctor and led into his idiosyncratic office full of OB nick-knacks, diplomas and years’ worth of gynecological memorabilia. I have always liked his optimistic outlook on our situation. He is an older doctor  (probably in his late 60's) that has no doubt seen tons of seemingly “infertile” women eventually conceive. To him, we’re just one of the many, that struggle, then eventually (hopefully) suceed.

As we discussed our next steps all of a sudden he slapped his palm on his cluttered desk and said matter of factly (and quite excitedly):
I have a plan!

Okay, we said in unison, let’s hear it.

So, here is the plan:

He first recommended something called Provera (progesterone) to help me have more regular periods (right now I average a 35-38 day cycles which can make ovulation and timing all rather difficult for a multitude of reasons. Provera will eventually help me reach the coveted 28-day cycle.) 

When he told me this I was thrilled to finally have only 28 day cycles - more cycles to "try." I said something  to this effect and he replied: You know the goal isn’t 28 day cycles, it’s no periods at all.

Thank you doctor, yes I know.

So, I will have shorter cycles which will be good for a multiple of reasons. Both phyically and mentally. I am excited.
So at this point I have taken this and have gotten my period, which i was due for any day anyway. 

Then, once I get my period, (which i did) three days later I will start Clomid (which was today) which will (in short) trick my body into thinking my estrogen levels are low, so my body will cause the pituitary gland to produce more hormones to raise the estrogen levels. This will cause certain hormones to increase which stimulates egg production. He isn’t sure if egg production is the problem, but he has reasons to suspect that this may be the case. Many women don't produce an egg every month, and if this is the case with me, instead of searching for the needle in the haystack (as he put it) only a few months out of the year, may as well make sure that's not the issue right off the bat.

Clomid has been proven successful in many women and it is often one of the first fertility treatments to try because it is so inexpensive when compared to other fertility treatments. With our insurance these two prescriptions were each only $5. Really can’t beat that. Especially compared to other options, more costly options, which we both agree is not the best use of our funds to start our family. We are willing to give fertility treatments a try, a good try, maybe even try other things too, but when it comes down to spending thousands of dollars on "trying," we both strongly feel like that money could be much better off spent (for us) on adoption. 

So, as I sit here to write, I am cautiously optimistic. I have just swallowed my first Clomid pill with a generous gulp of iced coffee. We haven't given up hope, yet we know that this also may not work, and that's okay.

Last night we welcomed home our good friends' newest adopted baby daughter from China. Anah is their third adopted daughter - and their 7th child in all. Anah is almost one and a half years old and has a cleft lip and palette. She is beautiful.  I loved her as much as a friend can love another friend's child from the minute i walked into the room. Their story is an amazing one and simply cemented the fact that adoption will be in our future whatever happens. 

Our desire is to start a family in any way we can, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to conceive. I do. However, I also know that our family will grow whether we conceive or not, so the pressure is off at this point in regards to putting our hope in fertility treatments. We’re not putting our faith in Clomid to make us parents, we know that God’s got plans for our family and that excites me more than the idea of giving birth. 

So, we are treading on this "fertility" path lightly, knowing this may not be the ultimate path to parenthood and we're all right with that, we really are. But we also aren't ready to throw in the towel just yet.

We are pursuing all of our options at this point, all whole-heartedly and excitedly.


Amie said...

I used Provera, it works wonders. I wish I would have looked into it sooner when I was having so many issues with my cycle. I will continue to pray for you guys!! God has a plan, now if he would just tell you what it was already!

(and don't forget about Musenex. It is supposed to work well with Clomid!!)

CitricSugar said...

Good luck!!

Rona said...

I used it too! It took a year for me to decide to use it and one month to get pregnant! Great stuff. I hope you get the same results.

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