Saturday, April 24, 2010

our new addition...

Most of you know we are trying to have a baby.
When we do that will be our first human baby.
But when the time comes, we’ll have to introduce  human baby #1 to his/her first three siblings:

#1: Mea (White and fluffy, she was the first true addition to our family and I call her baby #1. I feel about her the way jennifer aniston felt about Marley in the movie Marley and Me)

#2: iPhone (It comes to bed with me most nights and is usually the first thing I blindly reach for in the morning. although I know this will probably change when we do have a human baby, I can imagine it will keep me company through many motherhood scenarios)

and now for our newest addition...i give you #3: 
MacBook Pro 

The newest addition to the family – I waiting patiently for over a year and now I have one in my hot little hands.) Actually on my hot little lap right now...

I had been saving money from christmas and birthdays for over a year when I finally had enough cash stuffed into an envelope and hidden in the back of my desk at home. But Curtis heard rumors that a new model was coming out soon, so he strongly encouraged me to wait. So like any good, submissive wife, i did just that...

I waited, and I waited. 

For years I have wanted a new laptop. My iBook was almost 8 years old and getting slower and slower. But I finally had enough money to purchase a new one and to be told to wait is a hard thing to do. But I did it because I knew I would be rewarded with the newest version of a brand new laptop if I did.

Then, almost two months later, the early morning announcement came – they had been released. I was like a kid on Christmas Eve. I set a reminder of my calendar to call the Apple store at 10 when they opened to see if they got their shipment.

So I waited, then I called and they hadn’t gotten them in yet.  Maybe that afternoon.

So I waited again and had Curtis call this time so I didn't sound like a stalker.

Still no luck.

At dinner that night Curtis asked me what I’d do if I found out right this minute that I was pregnant (he asked that because I was about a week late on my period). He wanted to know if I would buy the laptop or use that money to put toward the debt we're trying to pay off - I gave him a sad look.

I dunno, I responded.

I really wanted this laptop.

But I really wanted a baby too.

He told me to go pee on a stick. He knew I had one more left from the bunch I had bought at the dollar store almost a year and a half ago.

I knew what the result would be, but I did it anyways. (again, submissive wife!)

It was negative. but i already knew it would be.

The next day we went and bought my new computer. I brought my envelope of cash and paid with a thick stack of twenties.

Three hours later I got my period.

And as I was crawling into bed that night I thought to myself:

I would have given it up in a second.

So baby #4 isn’t here yet, so until he/she is here - in whatever way our future children come, I will enjoy this new computer for what it is.

Not a baby,
But a fun new toy to coddle and coo over 
(because the backlit keyboard and lightning fast speeds are pretty amazing!)

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

i'm really not as deep as you may think


Sometimes I get afraid that readers think I am way deeper than I am.
Lately all my posts seem deep and slow and dramatic.

I think it’s because, when I finally do force myself to sit and write,
What comes out is what’s I’ve been steeping over for days.

But I think what I’m missing is exactly what I love to read and see on other people’s blogs
The daily minutia, random posts about nonsense, recipes, quotes, photographs of nothing in particular and just daily life in general.

Lately those are the blogs I am drawn to –
The ones where not every post is a pouring out of the heart
But one that is honest, yet has a good mix of humor and lightheartedness about life as well.
The ones that make me feel like whatever they're doing during their day, i'm doing to.
Posts where i can relate and ones that make me think, huh, i did that today too and never thought of it that way.
that's beautiful to me.

Because we all know – life is funny if you let it be.

For example:

The looks of some people are often like a well-drawn comic book, and that’s funny to me. Their outfits, shapes, makeup – I like to stare (I get it from my dad – although I am way more conspicuous) and enjoy people-watching until my eyes start to droop. And it’s not that I’m judging people, I just see the curious beauty in everyone and really like to stare people down and create stories about them in my mind. As my dad would say, I’m an equal opportunity stare-er. I don’t discriminate and I do my best not to judge, but you have to admit, don’t some people just make you chuckle?

It’s funny the way some people rant about politics on facebook and others enjoy just telling the world what they’re making for dinner (I much prefer the menu posts)

It’s funny how I hate to get dressed for work in the morning, but the majority of my shoes are high heels. What am I going to do with all those shoes when I no longer have to dress up for an office job? Chase a toddler in stilettos?

And, it’s funny how some people get pregnant with a poke and some get to practice “trying” enough to make even a husband exhausted! I mean, seriously, if I can find the humor in that, I think I can find the humor in even the most dim situations.

There is humor all around me and if I am careful enough to approach a situation with a good sense of it, I think I am destined to keep myself from thinking I am out there in a serious world all by myself.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

thank you canada


When the office is quiet and empty in the morning – a Tuesday morning
and I can sip coffee and peruse online before fully waking up,
having made my commute in that drowsy sunrise kind of way that comes with driving the same route over. and over. and over
twice a day for a year
I can finally reflect on my weekend and remember for a post later in the day.
as the sun is setting and the moon is rising,
i reflect.

It was a Toronto style weekend spent with family
spent in big houses with little beds as my aunt likes to remind me I wrote after our last visit
nearly a year ago

words fail, this feeling of unsettling, of home, of family and foreign places
they all mingle together in a disheveled tangle of peace and tension and sympathy and questions.

It was a lovely visit
full of markets and laughter and food and coffee
and just the right balance of walking and lounging and talking and eating -
of movement and rest

yet, when I sit here, now far enough removed from the events of the weekend to truly analyze
a theme emerges of our time together

no family is ideal, altogether happy or fully at rest with one another or themselves.
Ours is not.
Yours, probably, isn't either.

But somehow, it works.
Not perfectly, not even well, at times,
but it works.
And somehow, the fragmented ties that bind us are enough.
Enough to keep us held together,
for now at least.

*see my other Canada photos {here} at my flickr account; the "toronto" set includes photos of our trip last year too - so scroll about halfway down the set to see the pictures from this trip.

Monday, April 12, 2010

a book report: snow flower and the secret fan

There are days, weeks, months even that i forgo writing to read everything i can get my hands on. 
this has been the case the past few weeks for me.

Yesterday I read on the way to church,
I brought my book with me to the back yard in the late afternoon as Mea roamed around me on her tether,
I opted out of watching a movie and instead, laid in bed reading
And finished the last pages with tears pooling in my eyes, hours after Curtis had fallen asleep.

It has been a rare feeling these days to become so enthralled in a book that I lose track of time, that I cry when it ends, that I feel like a part of me is dying with the closing of the last chapter. It is a feeling I love and hate simultaneously. To finish a book that moves me is a bittersweet pleasure.

I keep a little journal in my nightstand with all the titles of books I’ve read, neatly written inside.
I read eight books in 2007.
12 in 2008.
13 in 2009
And so far I've read 3 books to start out 2010.

In the past two weeks I have read two of those three books.
The first of the three was called Someone Knows My Name, by Lawrence Hill and took me nearly six months to finish.
I wrote about it {here}

Last week I read The Linett Bird by Linda Holeman.

This week it was Snow Flower and the Secret Fan by Lisa See.

It was a story set in nineteenth century China, during the days where young girls endured the painful ritual of foot binding and where wives only roles was to have sons.

The story follows Lily and Snow Flower as they become a laotong pair – which is a relationship made between two girls, a bond stronger than marriage, meant to last a lifetime through the traditional secret written language that only the Chinese women know. It follows them as they grow from small children with feet that are free, to wives and mothers with lives that are as bound as their tiny misshapen feet.

The story was poignant, profound, heartbreaking and beautifully written. I highly recommend it to anyone even slightly interested in the history of women in China or in other cultures in general. It opened my eyes to a culture I knew nothing about and the images it painted, along with the photographs I found while researching this time period online, will surely stick with me far beyond the fictitious story.

This year, I have read of a young girls journey into slavery from Africa,
I have read about one girls journey from a British whorehouse into the beauty of India
And now I have read this story of young girls growing up in the culture of China, where girls were born to be married out.

So, what’s next on my reading list you ask?
I’m not sure exactly.
I’ve got an entire bookshelf full of novels I have yet to read – from the half price bookstore, borrowed from friends, gifts from family.

I love novels, they transport me to another place and there are few feelings more comforting than to crawl into bed with a book that you can’t wait to open.

I don’t always soak books in, like a sponge, as I am doing these days.
Some months, even years I find myself not enjoying anything I pick up.
Sometimes no books hold my interest, and I’d rather go to sleep without reading a page or two.

But right now, I go to sleep later and later, because a page or two, just doesn’t do it.
I must read chapters and chapters before turning down the corner of the page and turning off the light.

It is a good feeling to be so enthralled in a book that you forget the need for sleep.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

it’s the little things:


dinner parties with friends that are more like family
lasagna and games and laughter late into the night
ceiling fans spinning all night
iced almond milk and espresso sipped through a straw
sunglasses necessary on the top of my head
hastas just starting to poke through ready ground
the warmth of the sunlight in our kitchen
eagerly planning my herb and vegetable garden
a single tulip poking through a mound of dirt
dirty bare feet that must be washed in the tub before crawling into cool sheets
buds sprouting out of every branch and tree and shrub
waking up before alarm clocks to birds chirping
saturday afternoon coffee dates to read and write and blog and bring my google reader down to 0 unread 
creating stories in my head as i people watch out of the window
instant messaging my husband as he sits beside me at startbucks

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Easter Encouragement

flowers in cup

But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ - by grace you have been saved...But now in Christ Jesus you who once far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ.

-Ephesians 2:4-5, 13

Friday, April 2, 2010

sheer bliss




this is what i woke up to this morning.

we took the day off together.

and although there was some guilt in making that last minute decision while getting into bed last night

today was just what i needed.

and it isn't even over yet.

happy easter weekend.

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