Wednesday, December 30, 2009

a glance behind before looking ahead







"do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not;
but remember that what you now have was once among things only hoped for."

I read this quote and remembered back to our first year of marriage. I was working retail and he was going to school and serving tables in the evenings. We were barely scraping by, often paying for groceries and gas using credit cards. I remember sitting one night thinking, how wonderful it will be to oneday have two steady, 9 to 5 jobs, where we work in the day and have evenings free to spend together.

Mere weeks later, Curtis had a "real, grown-up job" and mere months later, i did too. While we still don't have the luxury of having every night together, i look back and think, we hoped for this. this life. a house, a dog, two stable jobs, a church we are coming to cherish and each other - relatively healthy and happy and whole.

So, as 2009 comes to a close, i am struck with words that seem to sum up the year.
sometimes silence.

It was surely a year where testing came and we were asked, what do you believe?
and the answer, strong and simple came:
We believe. and so we wait. and hope. and wait some more. and in the waiting, we find not only peace, but happiness.

"Happiness...not in another place but this place,
not for another hour, but this hour."
-Walt Whitman

We have come to the place of thankfulness for what we have. And although longings aren't far from our minds, we understand that even if this was it, it would be enough.

2010 is going to be a year of preparation. Preparing for whatever is to come. Within the year we will look ahead at what's to come, but we will also be mindful of where we have been. i have made many goals for the new year. Some personal, some lofty, some creative, some simple and some which i have already completed.

Although i am not in love with winter as some are, every January, I cherish the chance to start afresh in some ways, and to carry over other ideas, from year's past. This year will be a blending of lessons in the midst of being learned, fresh realizations of all the goodness we been given and an expectation of all that is uncertain in the year to come.

"I dwell in possibility."
-Emily Dickinson

*images of our tree


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