Saturday, November 7, 2009

C is for Crave.


rave. This week i have craved time more than anything else. More time to do conquer my to-do list. More time to read, to cook, to sit and stare. It was a busy week. Busier than we've had in a long time. But, it turned out to be great. Well, some of it at least. It was a week of canyon-like highs and lows. Friends and dinners and music and mojitos and tears and confusion. It was a week of choices and baby steps and acceptance and trust. It was a hard week, but a good week, which makes me so thankful for a Saturday with no plans.

We sit at Starbucks. It's 11:47 am and we watch a cop pull up. He pulls up next to the window where we sit, gets out of his car, looks nervously around the perimeter of the building, walks back the other way and draws his gun as he walks out of sight. We sit and watch. There is really nothing to see. Curtis puts down his books and stares curiously out the window.

"If i tell you to drop to the floor, you would do it, right?" he asks.

I laugh.

"Yes darling," I answer and snicker as another cop pulls up.

I am used to living in the city {in urban suburbs, at least}. I am used to seeing strange things around my neighborhood and distinguishing {or trying to distinguish} between simply fear and danger.

My mom and I thought we were being broken into a few weeks ago. A man came to her front door late at night when we were alone. He started with ringing the doorbell - for ten minutes. We decided not to answer. It was late, we were alone and we weren't expecting anyone. Ringing the doorbell then turned to banging on the door which quickly turned to kicking the door.

That is when just a little nervousness turned to fear.

We ran upstairs, each gripping different phones, she called my dad. I called 911.

It was dark, we couldn't see his face. He might've heard us upstairs calling the cops because he ran to his car, got in, shined a flashlight on the front door and drove off.

We stood shaking, waiting for the police to show up. Which they did. Two twenty-somethings with an attitude. After a couple snarky questions, they left to patrol the area.

We went to sleep that night scared and confused.

A week later my mom was relaying our drama to my sister. My sister started laughing.
She went on to say that that night she ordered a pizza that never came. After a while the delivery man called her, clearly upset.

He said that he came to deliver the pizza and noone answered the door.

She told him she never got a knock on the door.

She asked him what address he had.

Her read off my mom's address.

She laughed.
Only then did my mom start laughing and let out a sigh.
Then she called me, retold the story and I laughed to - and after a week, finally exhaled.

The cops are gone now and we go back to our laptops. He is studying lean operations as I study the makings of the human psyche. fear and cravings and the desire for more.

Today I delight in time spent doing what I have wanted to do all week.

A favorable mix between getting things done and savoring the joy of getting nothing done.


Did you notice the lovely "C" that began this post? Isn't it lovely?
If you would like your own, visit {daily drop cap} for their charming alphabet creations, complete with the html code for blogs and websites.


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