Tuesday, August 25, 2009

another fresh perspective

So, I’ve had a lot of time to think about what I wrote in my last post…and I have come to two conclusions:

First, I think I may have miscommunicated a few things poorly.

Second, since I wrote that post, I have come to a couple new conclusions.

First – I think I may have communicated a few things inadequately –

Last week I wrote that I felt some kind of blog marketing of myself was in order. After thinking about it, that is not what I meant. I think what I’m feeling more of is the fact that I have not shared that part of me with specific people in my life. Deep down, I really don’t want to share my blog with my whole facebook friends list. However, there are a handful of people that I wish read my blog. And as I think of those people, the leap of courage will come by me reaching out and sharing that url in a very personal way.

This is a part of me that I want you to know. You know me in this way, but I’d like to share this other part of me with you.

My goal has never been to be a famous blogger. Even after seeing Julie and Julia, there was no hint of envy in me. Once in a while I wish more people would read what I write, but that has never been my goal for this space. One day I do hope to be read by the masses, but not in this format per se. between bindings, with pages made of paper - that will be more up my ally.

Secondly, since I wrote my last post, I have come to a couple of new conclusions that I thought I’d share – briefly.

This is not the place or space that I want to lay my whole life open to the world.

I started a blog post a couple of weeks ago that I was hesitant to post – I wondered to myself, is it fear that’s holding me back, fear or something else. Then slowly, I came to the conclusion that I wasn’t afraid, I was doubting the reasons I felt the need to open up so intensely, so deeply.

So, after mulling it over with a dear friend this weekend, I have decided not to post what I was planning on sharing. I have decided to print it out and fold it up and seal it between two pages of my journal – the past and the present - for safekeeping.

I was encouraged in my feelings that whispered in my ear...

this is a treasure, only because it is held by you in the secret places. This is a gift because you have shared it with only a few.

Not every gift is meant to be held onto this tightly, but in this case, it is appropriate and it just feels right.

Instincts have trumped deliberation, and as deliberation catches up, I give homage to the secret places and move on.

And move on i do with a new blogging perspective…To share with transparently, while using wisdom to know the difference between what must be shared and what must be held on tight and simply pondered.


Marisa said...

I too am always walking the fine line between what I feel is necessary/appropriate to share with the blog world, and what needs to remain sacred, just for me. I think it's hard sometimes because we live in such an information! information! information! world that it almost seems weird NOT to share via twitter, blog, facebook, etc.

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