Friday, June 12, 2009

the fine art of living + losing


“all of the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.”

~Havelock Ellis


yesterday we let go. and today, well, today we hold on to all we know to be true.


anger has turned to grief as I now feel like a distinctive season of our lives has ended. with the close of the email, we closed to door. my heart aches – not in sadness, but in disappointment – at the loss of something that we never really had, something that we never really even started.


I will not let moss grow over hopes, dust settle over our desire to belong. To find what we are searching for. that door is not closed. I can dimly see the light through the keyhole, the crack between floor and wood, beckoning us to follow. and we will follow – to where, is still left uncertain, but we will undecidedly follow.


how easily we toss away, toss aside, forget. but today I do not want to forget, so I read and reread. painful reminders that all is now lost. there is no turning back. there is no regret. there is no desire to return. the lack of desire is what aches I guess. how easily we cut ties and mend together scraps. clouds roll past and the sky is dark today, fitting for my thoughts, stuffed with their silence like the heavy clouds.


I transcribe. I am an author of my moments, of words and blank stares. a journalist of the life I am living.

I see but have yet to feel. grief comes in stages I guess.


Marisa said...

beautifully rendered. thanks for sharing.

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