Tuesday, April 29, 2008

around our house

lately we've been dealing with the fact that i have much less of a social need in my life than my husband does. when confronted with opportunity to socialize, for him the answer is and has always been a resounding "yes", and usually i go along with it and usually enjoy myself - but i, as opposed to him, typically return home feeling drained and exhausted. lately i've been confronted with the fact that, there is, in fact, a tolerance level within myself- and a level slowly reaching "full" is upon me as i write, and guiltily i admit i am quickly approaching my limit of sociability.
the root of the problem lies with the fact that i have a hard time saying no. maybe because of a fear of rejection, maybe because i fear hurting someone, but in the end, i find myself saying yes when i want to say no. the hardest thing for me is saying no when i have no excuse but a lack of desire-and now i'm feeling the brunt of my decisions and i am tired and overwhelmed and to be honest, kind of resentful even though it's no one's fault but my own.
so, now i move on and try to live out my newfound perogative-
set my own boundaries and make no excuses.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

considering + contentment

I am having a very bright + healthy week compared to the black hole that was last week...
lately, my chronic strings of migraines have really made me blue.
i work very hard at keeping positive, to look on the bright side,
but it's always just that...it's work to keep on reminding myself it that it could be worse...
that everything happens for a reason, ect. ect.

but now i'm having a pain-free week and it's easier to be optimistic.
the little storm cloud of pain hasn't decended again, yet ...and i wait.
here i come to the fork in the road.
i wait for pain to come. it has become so normal, i wake up daily wondering if it will be a healthy or a sick day,
i wonder if the little ache in my temple will turn into something worse, and i wait for it to come.
on the other hand, i have come to appreciate the good days all the more.

i am struck by how often in the past day or two i have come across the word contentment.

i found a scrap of paper in my purse today that simply stated:
"...content to have less health, so we can have more grace..."
i'm not sure when or where i wrote this down, but it strikes me today, as just how i'm feeling.

one of my favorite verses in the bible has always been:
"but godliness with contentment is great gain"
and in my constant struggle for both, it is again, an important reminder.

a newsletter i receive daily at work, having nothing really to do with anything spiritual or noteworthy was found in my junk mail folder yesterday, it started with a simple quote by ben franklin:
"content makes poor men rich, discontentment makes rich men poor." so true, so true...

in my search and roundabout study of contentment, i decided to google the word for further inspiration, the following are words of wisdom i felt appropriate enough to share:

“We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.” -Frederick Keonig

“There is no end of craving. Hence contentment alone is the best way to happiness. Therefore, acquire contentment.”
-Swami Sivananda

i have by no means fully grasped this concept...but tonight i am reminded that it isn't in sickness or in health that i am made content, but only through Christ's grace.

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