Thursday, March 22, 2007

breathe. repeat.

on our walk home from dinner tonight,
from a local sandwich shop down the street,
my husband and i were talking about the way i deal with stress
and i said something to the effect of,
"now that these interview are finally over, i can finally relax,"
(granted i get one of the jobs so i don't have to keep enduring this gruling process.
please god, please god.)
then it hit me. this is just one thing.
there will always be some thing to keep me up at night, to stress me out,
to tire me out and test my faith.
and that's when i realized i'm the one who must change.
the aweful way i deal with life and others when i'm exhausted and
overwhelmed needs a readjustment.
the lord spoke to me through my husband's quiet, simple support, yet again,
and through his word when i remembered a verse that he used with me a few years ago
when my life needed other reajustments:
"his kindness leads us to repentance"
it doesn't say his heavy hand or his disappointment leads us to repentance.
for that i am so thankful.

Monday, March 19, 2007

the luckiest. period.

it's been nine months and two days today.
i'm a lucky girl.
i married the most generous, forgiving, and understanding man.

i had a semi-breakdown this weekend...
exhaustion and stress got the best of me and he was there,
with just the right words to set aside my anxiety, self doubt and unbelief.

time flies when you're happy.

I love you curtis. period.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

the uncertainty of trust

to trust in god
despite changes in plans/
disappointing bosses/
cancelled interviews/

faith grows when we don't understand what god is doing.
when we don't understand what is going on and what he is trying to teach us.
but really, deep down, we do.
trust. deep down penetrating faith in the uncertainty of the future.

and i do trust even when i dont know what the outcome holds.
whether i will stay where i am and obediently yeild my will
or, move on thankfully, taking the much anticipated next step.

to trust. i see no other option.

Wednesday, March 7, 2007

the beginning of the end...

i've been inspired to write this in a public way...
public in the sense that this is free to read,
free to respond to and that puts me in a very vulnerable position.
i have always been a writer,
those words . i. am. a. writer. get stuck in my throat like a dry pill.
until college i was a closet writer.
then, i was forced to read aloud, critique, analyze.
i began to enjoy the
sweat, the pressure, the dialogue.
i guess that is what i want from this.
a dialogue. with other writers.
open writers. closet writers.
a dialogue with myself.
to force myself to write. despite.
despite laundry. bills. dishes. television. husband.
despite myself.

(thanks kathleen)

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